Leadership Changes Things - Biblical Leadership Suggestions for 2018

Leadership Changes Things

“Everything will get worse naturally over time. Positive change only occurs when someone decides to make positive changes.”

Examples:  Run down houses can be restored to beautiful homes. – HGTV

Our bodies, we gain weight and get unhealthy effortlessly but lose weight and get in good shape only with extreme work

Our Brains – Use it or Lose it.  Think algebra skills you had in HS but that have seemingly disappeared now.

Our Relationships will break down easily, it takes work to maintain them.  Marriage, Family and Friendships.

NFL Examples of Leadership Making a Huge Difference:

1.)    Sean McVay – New Coach of LA RAMS. Completely turned the team around (4-12 last season and 7 wins as best season in 5+ years).  This year they are currently 11-4.  He instituted a Culture of Accountability.  Started fining players for being even 1 second late to meetings, practices, etc. No excuses allowed! His leadership has made a huge difference for this team.

2.)    Tom Coughlin – Former Coach of NY Giants.  Led team to 2 Super Bowls. Let go 2 seasons ago.  Now is an advisor to Jacksonville Jaguars.  Jaguars are now poised to make the playoffs for the first time in 10+ years and the Giants are an utter disaster since he left. Culture of an Experienced Winner.

3.)    Jimmy Garoppolo – Tom Brady’s (New England Patriots) Back-up Quarterback for several seasons.  Gets Traded to 49er’s in the middle of this season.  The 49’ers were 1-10 before he started playing QB for them.  He has won his first 4 games and the team is now 5-10. Culture of Learning and Winning.

Leadership Changes Things!

Some Suggestions on How to Lead Biblically in 2018

1.)    Be Humble- Admit you Don’t Know Everything.  Humility gives God room to bless us.  Psalms 138:6, James 4:6

2.)    Be a Servant- Serve your family, your boss, your co-workers and your spouse.  Servant Leadership Says “What can I do for you?” instead of “What can you do for me?”  “You will either use  your people to build your position or use your position to build people.” Nehemiah 5:14-16

3.)    Be Present – Be Where You Should Be – 2 Samuel 11:1 – Make time with those you lead a key part of your life.

4.)    Be Consistent – Allow those you lead the luxury of knowing what to expect day in and day out.  There is great comfort and security in knowing that the one you follow is consistent.  Don’t make your family, team, co-workers or followers guess what type of mood you are in.  Nothing is more frustrating to followers than not knowing what to expect.  Ephesians 6:4

5.)    Be a Vision Caster – Have a Vision of a preferred future for your family, your organization, whatever you lead.  Have a plan to make people’s lives better, more fulfilled and be able to implement that plan.  “Where there is no vision there is no hope” George Washington Carver. Proverbs 29:18

6.)    Be a Teacher – Everyone loves a person who can teach them something new.  Teachers (not in the strict, professional sense of the word, but to include anyone who can teach us something) are an extremely valuable and much loved person in any society.  Be a person who can teach others things and you will greatly bless anyone who follows you.  Particularly teach your children how to live for Jesus Christ.  Provide opportunities for them to see how God has blessed your family and will continue to bless you in the future.  Proverbs 22:6, Joshua 4:1-9

7.)    Be a Lover -  Love Your Followers. Love Your Family.  Love Like Jesus Loved and Love Those Jesus Loved.  I John 4:7-11

Does Sports Participation Build Character???

I had the opportunity to attend a 3D Coaching Clinic this weekend sponsored by Fellowship of Christian Athletes.  The entire clinic was a blessing and a great learning opportunity.  I am thankful for the chance I had to go and learn.  The presenter was a man by the name of Kerry O'Neil and the following thoughts come from him and his organization with a few of my thoughts sprinkled in.

One of the many questions he asked was:  "Does Participating in Sports Build Character?"  Since the room was filled with 40 or so coaches the overwhelming response was "Yes, Absolutely, sports build character."  Mr. O'Neil's next question of course was "What character traits do sports build."  Typically, the answers provided (one came from me) were Dedication, Teamwork, Sacrifice, Time-Management, Organization, etc.  You could probably add a few others to the list but that is the basic idea and all the coaches in the room agreed.  Mr. O'Neil then rocked my world.  He said "Do you know who also possesses those qualities in very high amounts other than athletes?  Terrorists and most master criminals."  Terrorists are highly organized, work in teams, manage time well and make tremendous sacrifices to further their cause.  You could hear a pin drop.

Mr. O'Neil explained that the above character traits are "social traits" and while good, they are not ideally what we should be teaching our athletes.  He claimed that as coaches we must be teaching our athletes "moral traits."  For those of us in Christianity we must be teaching the next generation "christian values."  Coaches who only teach, model and require social characteristics are not doing much at all.  He states that to be an effective coach and leader we must be teaching "moral/Christian" character qualities.  Those qualities include empathy, integrity, trust, value of human life.

Mr. O'Neil claims that a 20 year study that involved 70,000 athletes, coaches, parents and and former athletes shows scientifically that participation in sports actually lowers an athletes attainment of "moral values."  That is shocking but looking back over my close to 18 years in coaching I can see how it may be true.  Sports participation is not necessarily valuable in building the "important" values in young people.  Basically, it all comes down to who is coaching and how they are coaching.  We as coaches must be teaching, modeling and requiring our athletes to gain moral/christian values if we are to be effective.

Not a __________ Person

I have heard and given the excuse "Sorry, I am just not a ________ person."  That blank is usually filled in with "Math", "Science", "People", "Spelling", "Names" or something similar.  I guess we feel like if we say we weren't born good at something we are excused from ever having to be decent at it.

The areas that I feel like I am the weakest in "handyman", "Mercy" or "Car."  I have used these excuses on a multitude of occasions in my life to excuse my inability to do something.  Are these really valid excuses for us to use as adults?  Sure, we all have different gifts and abilities.  Surely, some of us will excel at laboring with our hands better than others.  Some can do complex math problems and make them look easy.  Others can remember people's names and other details while I struggle to remember where my keys are.  But are we really given a free pass through life by saying I am not good at ________.  Are we then excused from ever trying to develop in that area?

In their awesome book "Do Hard Things" the Harris twins explain the silliness of this kind of thinking through an illustration.  Babies are born unable to walk, talk, feed themselves or use the restroom.  That's fine for infants and toddlers but by the time these kids reach school age they need to have come close to mastering these things.  It would be pretty awkward if an 8 year old said "I am not a walking person" or "I am just not gifted in the area of using the restroom, I think I will stick to my diaper."  Kind of a silly illustration but hopefully it paints a picture.

One of my focuses this year has been on trying new things. Specifically things that I consider manly.  I have taken on new projects, worked around the house, tried new things. Some things I have found I am truly no good at, YET, but with practice I am getting better.  Also, having a willingness to change and grow has proven useful and helpful. 

What about you?  What areas do you struggle in?  What are some weaknesses?  You need to spend the vast majority of your time working in the areas in which you are strong.  You definitely need to delegate out the work that you aren't gifted to perform, but at the same time have a willingness to spend some time improving your weaker areas.  The best way to get better at something is to do it.

Let me close with an undocumented/uncited story.  Two people were brought into an art studio.  One person was given an unlimited amount of clay and told to make as many pots as he could that week. His job was quantity  He spent his week making a ton of clay pots.  The other person was only given enough clay to make one pot and told to make the best clay pot he possible could.  His job was quantity.  Well, guess what?  By the end of the week the potter who only needed to make one clay pot hadn't delivered an excellent pot.  He made a pretty good one.  However, the potter who went for quantity had delivered an extremely high quality clay pot?  How did he do it.  Well he got to work and made so many pots that by the end of the week he had learned the secret to making a high quality product.  By being forced to work and produce a high quantity of the pots he learned how to make them with great quality.

Task:  Find one area in which you are weak and find ways to develop those skills.  Instead of saying I can't do it, or I am just not a __________ person, give it a try and see what can happen.

No Time for Envy or Jealousy

I posted this message on Facebook and Twitter earlier today:


You have zero right to look at somebody else's career success, wealth, house, car, fitness etc. and get jealous or envious. They have worked, sacrificed, studied, learned and grown in ways that I guarantee you haven't been wiling to. How can I guarantee that? Because if you were working, sacrificing, studying, learning and growing in that way you wouldn't have a spare second to be jealous or envious of anyone else.


Let's unpack it a little bit in the blog.  Almost all of the great men and women in history have had to endure a tremendous trial or negative circumstance.  It is typically the lessons that they learn through that tragedy or bad situation that allows them to excel and achieve at a high level.  Most of us want to experience the success without paying the price of going through the negative life event.  We want to earn "doctor/lawyer" money but are not willing to endure 7-10 years in college preparing.  We wish we had a beautiful house, but are unwilling to earn the money to pay for it or are unwilling to do the upgrades to make it possible.  We wish we were more successful as coaches, leaders or teachers but rarely read anything that will help us achieve those goals.  When was the last time we gave up a weekend to attend a training session or a leadership clinic.  Do we listen to talk radio, pop music, sports talk or Podcasts when we are in our cars driving around.  Are we actively turning off the TV so we can carve out time to develop the talents and abilities God has given us.

To sum it up a quick story... When I coached basketball at a camp in New York an obese teenager came up to me and said "when I make it to the NBA I am going to have an entire kitchen stocked full of junk food so I can eat whatever I want, whenever I want."  I tried to sensitively explain to him that in order to achieve his dream of playing in the NBA he would likely have to closely monitor his caloric intake and that he would have to sacrifice eating junk food in order to reach his goals.  Clearly crushed and dejected he walked away.  He had no intention of changing his lifestyle in order to reach his dreams.  How many of us are the same?  How many of us are unwilling to sacrifice in order to reach our dreams?

In Defense of Screen Time

Screen time is a key bad word among most parents that I talk to.  They are either trying to limit or completely eliminate screen time from their kids lives.  I have heard parents brag "well we only allow screen time on the weekends" or "we limit screen time to only 30 minutes a day."  These parents are so proud of the fact that their kids don't sit around watching TV, movies or playing on IPads.

I just smile and nod my head.  My "good parent" side cringes because I do think my boys sometimes spend too much time laying around watching screens.  There are limits to everything and I think some boundaries need to be set and enforced.  However, just like most areas moderation needs to be practiced.  Too much of anything typically is a bad thing.  Chocolate cake can and should be enjoyed.  But, too much will cause a myriad of health issues.  That doesn't mean we don't eat it at all.  We allow the adults in the situation to provide it in moderation.  I think the same should be true for screen time in children.  ***Note:  I am not a doctor or child psychologist.  Just a parent trying to raise healthy, happy boys.

Recently my boys watched (and are now rewatching repeatedly) the movie Sing.  The movie features many animated animals in a singing contest and performance.  As a result of this movie my boys have gained a tremendous love and appreciation for music.  We now have a mini-kids sized piano in our living room and it is played regularly.  My boys are more interested in singing and dancing and acting as they reenact their favorite scenes from this and other movies.  Watching them the past few weeks has inspired me to list several advantages I see from kids having "some" screen time.

With all that being said, here are some definite advantages of screen time:

1.)  My boys have their imagination sparked every time they watch television (mostly Netflix and some Disney).  They can experience the world in a new and imaginary way.  They are challenged to think outside the box of what is possible and enter a world of make believe.  That is incredibly powerful for their young minds.  I don't want my boys boxed in the world that can be seen around them.  I want them to experience make believe and pretend.

2.)  My 20 month old son can now access Netflix and select exactly the show that he wants.  He is being technologically prepared in ways that simply don't happen by reading books or playing in the backyard.  My son still has a natural love for books and he spends plenty of time flipping through the pages of his many favorite books.  However, the fact is that he can do things technologically that I couldn't until I was 30 years old (because they didn't exist).  Whether we like it or not, the world is going to get more technologically advanced.  Kids who are raised with a natural ability to play and tinker electronically are going to be light years ahead of those who don't.  My kids still spend countless hours exploring streams, playing in sand boxes, riding bikes, planting and weeding gardens but they also have the advantage of being tech savvy at a very young age.

3.)  Television and other screens allow my boys to have experiences that we simply could never have as a family any other way.  They can explore the Himalayas, swim under the oceans, travel to the savannahs of Africa.  They are able to go on adventures in the Wild West.  Yes, we want to do as many things as possible in the physical realm, but technology allows us to have many great experiences as a family from the comfort of our living room.

4.)  Sitting mindlessly in front of a TV can be very educational for kids.  There are some incredibly educational and brain stimulating things to watch on TV.  Some of the games that my guys play are incredibly educational and build their brain power and problem solving ability.  Who knows, maybe a few hours a month of playing Angry Birds may lead to one of them developing a love for engineering or architecture. There are shows that are teaching them valuable lessons about science (octonauts comes to mind), history, music and math.

Yes, kids need to exercise, play, read, color and draw and turn off the TV.  However, if you are like me and allow your kids to have "some" screen time, quit feeling guilty and understand that there are some definite benefits.  The key again is MODERATION in all things!

Wanting, but not Getting

The scene is a very familiar one.  We are at Walmart and a few rows over we hear a loud screaming fit.  Someone wants something and they are not getting what they want.  It is usually followed by tears, screams and accusations.  Typically, when I am at Walmart, all I want is to go home.  And yes, I have been known to throw a fit or two when it becomes clear I am not going to be getting what I want any time soon.

Think about it... The source of most conflicts in life have to do with wanting something, but not getting it.  A common one for me is that I want my team to win a game.  Something is preventing that from happening.  How do I respond?  I have been known to get upset at the refs, blame the other team or be mad at one of my own players.  Something is preventing me from getting what I want so I get mad.  Other cases may be you want your kid to do well in school.  When that isn't happening how do you respond?  Do you yell at your kid, blame the teacher, blame the school, etc.  How should we respond when we don't get what we want?  James 4:1-2 says "What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?  Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members?  You lust and do not have, so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel..."

These verses make it pretty clear that our pleasures (things we want) are at war with us.  We fight and quarrel because we don't get our way or get what we think we deserve.  I am seeing pretty clearly lately that the source of almost all of my problems revolve around not getting what I want.  The bigger issues in my life come when I feel that I am being cheated out of something I think I "deserve." Advertisers are great at creating discomfort with our lives.  We become dissatisfied with life and get the notion that we deserve something.  McDonalds is great at making us think we "deserve to take a break" and buy one of their icy, cold treats.  Car companies tell us we "deserve" a better car.

Let's look at some ways to respond when we aren't getting what we want:

1.)  Take a step back and be glad we don't get what we deserve.  Ultimately, we are all "sinners saved by grace."  None of us are righteous.  We deserve to receive Hell.  Let's be thankful we don't get what we deserve.

2.)  Quit looking at things in a win/lose framework.  Sure, you feel like a winner when you sign a deal, win a game or defeat someone else.  However, you shouldn't feel like a winner when you win and a loser when you lose.  Sometimes things will go your way, sometimes they won't.  Quit basing your value on the outcome of certain situations.  Judge your value on your effort and execution, not the results.

3.)  Quit looking at things from a shortsighted perspective.  To use the example of the kid not doing well in school and the parent getting upset.  Shortsighted people try to rush in and fix the situation to help the kid out (in their minds).  They may have him drop a tough course, switch teachers or do the work for them to help them improve (all common responses that I have witnessed).  What lesson is your kid learning?  Are you teaching them concepts that will help them in the long run?  Are you helping them become a better person?  Think about it from a coaching standpoint.  Shortsighted people yell and scream at a ref, a player or an opponent when things aren't going well.  All of these are destructive to the ultimate goal of coaching.  Look at not getting your way as an opportunity to learn and to grow.  Learn from the moments when you are losing.

4.)  Don't think that success entitles you to anything.  Recently, I had a conversation with someone who was talking about guys who have done well financially.  He was mentioning how they think everything else in life should go their way simply because they have money.  He said these guys feel entitled to have their kids be good in sports and school, receive whatever they want from their church or civic organization, and get treated like royalty simply because they have earned some money.  These guys get treated some places like kings because they can throw around their money and they come to expect to receive whatever they want in all situations in life.

Hopefully this provides a little thought provoking material to help you the next time you are not getting what you want.  Think about these things and hopefully process the events in a better and more beneficial manner next time around.

A Leadership Lesson from Mario Bros.

I was playing the old NES version of Super Mario Bros. 3 today (hang with me, there is a really good leadership point coming). I was amazed at how easy that game is for me. I whipped right through many levels and knew all the shortcuts and special hidden items. I was really playing on a Professional level.  That's because I have spent countless hours learning and playing the game in my younger days. I am an insider.

Many times in life there are many areas in which I am an insider. I know where to go and how to get things done. I can breeze right through tasks and I am very comfortable in an environment.

However, as a leader I/we must consider how people who are outsiders feel when interacting with these same environments. As a basketball coach I need to consider how HS students I am recruiting see the situation. Just because I am comfortable applying for college and gaining admission doesn't mean they are. Perhaps they are the first in their family to do so. As a church leader, am I considering how new guests view my church. Just because I am comfortable and know my way around doesn't they are or do. Good leaders consider the experience from the viewpoint of the uninitiated.

As a leader who has followers and people I assign tasks too do I/we consider their comfort level with the assignment. Just because I can accomplish something in 20 minutes doesn't mean they can. I am likely more skilled and experienced plus have better access to the needed resources. Good leaders see things from the other persons perspective and work to get them the knowledge, skills, experience and connections we take for granted.

So I wasn't really wasting an hour playing Nintendo. I was coming up with a great blog post on an excellent leadership topic.

Small Stuff

I have heard the saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff.  And, by the way, it's all small stuff."  I understand that the people who use this quote have good intentions.  They desire to get us all to be less stressed out and less anxious.  The saying is designed to get us to focus on the big picture and realize that most of our "problems" aren't really that major.  I agree that we all need to be less worried and less stressed.  However, I going to encourage you to "Sweat the Small Stuff."

Its the little things in life that make a huge difference.  I have had my entire day change by the way someone at a store treats me.  A boss can lift my mood quickly with a kind word.  My whole week can turn upside down when I get some good news.  A nice note or card can quickly make many problems go away.  A kind gesture can go along way.

Recently, Kristin and I (along with help from others) were able to minister to a man in need in what to us was a very small way.  We were very minimally inconvenienced, but potentially we were a great blessing to someone else.  Likewise, we have been helped in monumental ways by people who likely considered their good deed to be a very small thing.  For us it was life changing.

Here are some ways to do "little things" to help others:

-Be on the lookout.  I am a firm believer that you find what you are looking for.  If you want to see snakes when you go hiking, just be on the lookout.  I am definitely not on the lookout for them so I rarely see them in the woods.  I keep my eyes up and my feet moving.  If you are on the lookout for people in need you will find them.  If you have your "helping" radar turned on I am sure you will quickly begin to spot people who you can minister to.  Get your eyes off your phone and your mind off your own needs and look to see who around you can use a hand, a smile or a word of encouragement.

-Be prepared.  Be ready to help.  Get your finances in order so that if a need arises to help someone you are ready.  Get your life organized and get some space in your schedule so that if someone needs an hour or two of your time it won't be too much of a schedule killer.  Get prepared by praying and reading your Bible.  Be spiritually ready to bless someone.  An empty life cannot overflow and bless others.  Be so full of life that it overflows onto others.

- Be friendly.  The world we live in is lacking in friendly, caring people.  Put on a smile and go out and spread some cheer.  I know that may sound corny, but when you decide to be friendly and cheerful it makes a difference.  We never know what the person we randomly meet is dealing with.  They may have lost a job, have a sick kid or spouse or be dealing with an addiction or financial issues.  Your simple act of being friendly could mean the world to them.  Holding doors, smiling, using your manners (especially when you don't feel like it or in a situation where you could reasonably not be expected too) letting someone cut in front of you at a store or on the road could be a little thing that means a lot.

Be encouraged that your little things, displays of hospitality and kindnesses do not go unnoticed.  Many times we won't realize (until we get to Heaven) what an impact we have been able to have.  Don't grow weary in well doing.  Be the type of person you want others to be.

Helping Teens Deal with Stress, Worry and Anxiety

Teens are facing increasing amounts of stress.  A USA Today study found that basically 6 in 10 teens are stressed out.  Unofficially (meaning I can't find a reliable published source but I have heard) teens today face as much stress, worry and anxiety as patients who were admitted to mental hospitals in the 1950's.  I know first hand from coaching two sports and leading a Youth Group that teenagers (especially girls) are stressed, worried and anxious.  Jesus has the answer (as He always does).  I delivered a Sunday School lesson this morning to the Teens of The Open Door Church from Matthew 6:25-34.  It seemed to be well received by the teens and I wanted to share some thoughts on my blog.

Things Worry Cannot Do:
1.)  Add an hour to our life or an inch to our height.
2.) Provide Clothing, Food or Shelter
3.)  Make us happier, healthier or safer
4.)  Protect our loved ones
5.)  Solve any of our problems

Things Worry Can Do:
1.)  Be a motivator to take action

That's it.  Worry is not productive.  It serves no purpose.  The only positive thing that worry can do is inspire us to take action to solve some problems.  I am worried about my weight and health so I exercise and try to eat a better diet.  I am worried about an upcoming test so now I am motivated to study.

How can we help the teens in our lives to overcome worry?

Use Philippians 4:4-8
1.)  "Rejoice in the Lord."  My version says "Rejoice in the Lord.  Again, I will say Rejoice."
2.)  Realize the Lord is near.  I told the teens that I would have no problem walking the roughest, toughest streets in America if I was with John Cena, The Rock and Chuck Norris.  I am safe as long as they are near.  It is so much more comforting to know that the Lord is always near.
3.)  Pray
4.)  Be Thankful
5.)  "Let your request be made known to God."
6.)  Dwell/Meditate/Think on the Right Things.  Be in control of your mind.  Think and dwell on positive, good thoughts


A few practical steps to help teens overcome worry.

1.)  Exercise.  Walk, jog, play a sport, whatever it is, just get moving.
2.)  Leave the negative stressful situation behind.  Get away for an hour and circle back later to what is causing the stress and anxiety.
3.)  Serve someone else.  Get the focus off the teen and help them go and make someone else's day better.
4.)  Give a gift.  Bringing some joy to others has a way of lifting our spirits.
5.)  Get them away from worried or negative people.  Spend time with uplifting, positive people.
6.)  Practice positive and realistic self talk.
7.)  Talk to someone who loves you.  That can be us.  Teachers, coaches, leaders, parents and friends can help to focus a teenager on the positives in life and help them re-center their emotions
8.)  Seek professional help.  Nothing to be ashamed of.  Sometimes our mental health situations need professional help.


Teens and Young Adults are stressed, anxious and worried.  Don't believe me?  Come hang out with my Youth Group or Basketball team (especially around finals week).  We can help them de-stress and cope with what they are facing.