We began the idea of personal leadership and leading your home in a recent post. Here is Part #2 of that post. This post will zero in on areas that we can and should lead in our homes. I Timothy 5:8 teaches that "if anyone does not provide for this own home... he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." Clearly, the Bible takes a very high view of providing for one's household.
Let's look at this more closely. What does it mean to provide? Does this relate only to material and physical provisions? Does it go deeper than that? I have heard many parents claim they are providing well, or that they are great providers because they bring home a 100K+ income and their kids are well clothed and live in a wonderful house. However, these same parents are rarely home because they are spending countless extra hours working multiple jobs or overtime to "provide" for their families. Are they more godly (and for our discussion, better leaders) than folks who work an honest 40 hours and devote large chunks of time to family, but only bring home a fraction of that larger income?
Here are my ideas of what good leaders provide to their homes:
-Good Leaders provide an income that can be used to meet physical needs. Leaders find a way to earn money. Some even earn a lot of it. There is nothing wrong with making a lot of money if it is done honestly. However, income cannot be used as an indicator of how well you provide. If your household is fed with healthy foods, clothed in warm and nice clothing and your house is sufficient for comfort and protection, than you are providing.
-Good Leaders provide a spiritual foundation. Whatever beliefs and values are important to you, your household knows and understands them. They realize that when times are tough they have a spiritual center to which to turn. They understand the basic value system and how it will guide them throughout their lives. A good leader sets the spiritual/values tone for the home. For me and my family that is a Christ-Centered lifestyle that seeks to honor our creator, God. We sacrifice what we want to follow after Him. Whatever it is for you and your household a leader provides that anchor.
-Good Leaders provide stability. The people in your household should have a general understanding of how the day will unfold. They know that someone will love them, be there for them and provide for their meals and other physical needs. Good leaders provide stability which allows everyone in their home to flourish and grow. I think this is one of the major differences between high achieving kids and under achieving ones. Stability. Kids who go to school with a full belly, clean clothes and the expectation that someone will be caring for them when they get home are far more likely to do well in school and extracurricular activities than kids who are hungry, ill clothed and wondering if anyone will be home at night. Be a stabilizing force in your home. Good leaders also provide stability by teaching and demonstrating to their kids that no matter what happens, mom and dad will stay married and that the family will not be ripped apart by divorce. This knowledge, displayed and demonstrated everyday is a tremendous force in the life of a home.
-Good Leaders provide balance. Good home leaders understand the balancing act that is required between work time, family time and recreational time. Good leaders expose their kids to opportunities to grow and flourish without running them ragged. Follow this link: Youth Sports Industrial Complex to read an awesome article regarding a lack of balance. Tim Keown posted this article earlier today and it really hits home with me. Find a way to balance your family's schedule so that kids can be successful and the family can be successful. Find a balance between what is best for the kids and what is best for the family. It will not hurt anyone for the entire family to spend an entire Saturday (gasp, yes all day) at home doing chores, relaxing, watching movies and enjoying themselves.
Here are a couple of stories about lack of balance. I recently had a conversation with a soccer coach who trains young athletes. He was approached by a family who couldn't decide whether or not to spend a week at the beach together as a family because they felt the week off might set back their daughter and her soccer training. Their quote was "she has worked so hard to improve her skills and position herself to play at the next level. We hate to see it all go down the drain if we let her have a week off to go to the beach." She was 7 years old. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, but it definitely left me heart broken.
Another time I was officiating at a basketball tournament. It was the last game of the night and I had a game between two girls teams. The game tipped off at 10:00pm on a Saturday night. Each team was coached by a "yeller and screaming" type coach. It was a U9 (girls under 9 years old) game. These coaches were yelling and screaming at their players to "execute the screen and roll", "bump and hedge" on screens. Again, I was heartbroken. These kids should have been in bed or at least pajamas and they were getting screamed at, at 10:45 at night by somebody's dad for little, to no reason.
Please provide balance for your homes.
-Good Leaders provide Boundaries. Good Leaders have learned that "NO" is a complete sentence that doesn't require further explanation. Good Leaders have learned that "No" means "No." Good leaders stand between the wickedness and lostness of this world and their loved ones. They protect them physically and spiritually by carefully selecting what types of people, media and other influences are allowed into their homes. Good leaders have kids who don't always like or understand their decisions at the time. Good leaders stand firm and their families benefit greatly.
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