In the movie "Kill Bill" the main a character (an assassin) is being trained by a Martial Arts Master in China. After some time of training together she begins to get angry with his techniques and training methods. She reaches a boiling point and tries to attack her teacher. He deftly reaches out and lightly takes hold of her hand and wrist in such a way that she is utterly immobilized. She is in great agony. He asks her "Would you like to possess this power, to be in control and to never fear?" Of course she says "Yes." He then continues to train her. Her goal was simple, she wanted to be in control and be able to physically dominate people. Dale Carnegie has written a book that will help you have that same control over daily interactions with the people in your life whether in the home, business or in any leadership capacity.
Carnegie's book is not gimmicky (as I often thought prior to reading his book this past month). It is based on simple, timeless principles that anyone can use regardless of your situation in life. After reading this book I am noticing how often his techniques are used by some of the most effective people I know. I am also realizing that many times his techniques were used by someone with me in certain situations. Below is a summary of some of his points. Hopefully they will wet your appetite enough to purchase the book and read it all for yourself.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:
1.) Don't criticize, complain or condemn
2.) Give honest and sincere appreciation
3.) Arouse in the other person an eager want
Six Ways to Make People Like You:
1.) Become genuinely interested in other people
2.) Smile
3.) Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest sound in any language
4.) Be a good listener. Encourage other people to talk about themselves
5.) Talk in terms of the other person's interests
6.) Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely
His main thesis (and he is quick to admit it) is "The Golden Rule" put forth by Jesus over two thousand years ago - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." In whatever situation you are in think how you would like to be treated in that situation and do that to others. His other main advice would be "Think about others, first." Put yourself in their shoes and get their full perspective before you do anything else.
How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:
1.) Avoid Arguments
2.) Never say "You're Wrong"
3.) If you are wrong, admit it quickly
4.) Begin in a friendly way
5.) Get the other person to say "Yes, Yes" immediately
6.) Let the other person do the majority of the talking
7.) Let the other person feel as if the winning idea is/was his or hers
8.) See things from the other persons perspective
9.) Be sympathetic with the other persons ideas and desires
10.) Appeal to the nobler motives
11.) Dramatize your ideas
12.) Throw down a challenge
Be a Leader:
1.) Begin with praise and honest appreciation
2.) Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly
3.) Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
4.) Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
5.) Let the other person save face
6.) Praise the slightest improvement
7.) Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
8.) Use encouragement and make faults seem easy to correct
9.) Make the other person happy to do what you suggest.
It is definitely worth the time (maybe 20 minutes a day for 2-3 weeks) to read the book for yourself. If you are like me you will quickly realize how many times you have failed in the past. Be encouraged, think how much you can improve your effectiveness by putting some of these techniques into place in your own leadership.
