The scene is a very familiar one. We are at Walmart and a few rows over we hear a loud screaming fit. Someone wants something and they are not getting what they want. It is usually followed by tears, screams and accusations. Typically, when I am at Walmart, all I want is to go home. And yes, I have been known to throw a fit or two when it becomes clear I am not going to be getting what I want any time soon.
Think about it... The source of most conflicts in life have to do with wanting something, but not getting it. A common one for me is that I want my team to win a game. Something is preventing that from happening. How do I respond? I have been known to get upset at the refs, blame the other team or be mad at one of my own players. Something is preventing me from getting what I want so I get mad. Other cases may be you want your kid to do well in school. When that isn't happening how do you respond? Do you yell at your kid, blame the teacher, blame the school, etc. How should we respond when we don't get what we want? James 4:1-2 says "What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have, so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel..."
These verses make it pretty clear that our pleasures (things we want) are at war with us. We fight and quarrel because we don't get our way or get what we think we deserve. I am seeing pretty clearly lately that the source of almost all of my problems revolve around not getting what I want. The bigger issues in my life come when I feel that I am being cheated out of something I think I "deserve." Advertisers are great at creating discomfort with our lives. We become dissatisfied with life and get the notion that we deserve something. McDonalds is great at making us think we "deserve to take a break" and buy one of their icy, cold treats. Car companies tell us we "deserve" a better car.
Let's look at some ways to respond when we aren't getting what we want:
1.) Take a step back and be glad we don't get what we deserve. Ultimately, we are all "sinners saved by grace." None of us are righteous. We deserve to receive Hell. Let's be thankful we don't get what we deserve.
2.) Quit looking at things in a win/lose framework. Sure, you feel like a winner when you sign a deal, win a game or defeat someone else. However, you shouldn't feel like a winner when you win and a loser when you lose. Sometimes things will go your way, sometimes they won't. Quit basing your value on the outcome of certain situations. Judge your value on your effort and execution, not the results.
3.) Quit looking at things from a shortsighted perspective. To use the example of the kid not doing well in school and the parent getting upset. Shortsighted people try to rush in and fix the situation to help the kid out (in their minds). They may have him drop a tough course, switch teachers or do the work for them to help them improve (all common responses that I have witnessed). What lesson is your kid learning? Are you teaching them concepts that will help them in the long run? Are you helping them become a better person? Think about it from a coaching standpoint. Shortsighted people yell and scream at a ref, a player or an opponent when things aren't going well. All of these are destructive to the ultimate goal of coaching. Look at not getting your way as an opportunity to learn and to grow. Learn from the moments when you are losing.
4.) Don't think that success entitles you to anything. Recently, I had a conversation with someone who was talking about guys who have done well financially. He was mentioning how they think everything else in life should go their way simply because they have money. He said these guys feel entitled to have their kids be good in sports and school, receive whatever they want from their church or civic organization, and get treated like royalty simply because they have earned some money. These guys get treated some places like kings because they can throw around their money and they come to expect to receive whatever they want in all situations in life.
Hopefully this provides a little thought provoking material to help you the next time you are not getting what you want. Think about these things and hopefully process the events in a better and more beneficial manner next time around.
Canoeing on Christmas 2015
Wednesday, May 10, 2017
Wednesday, March 22, 2017
A Leadership Lesson from Mario Bros.
I was playing the old NES version of Super Mario Bros. 3 today (hang with me, there is a really good leadership point coming). I was amazed at how easy that game is for me. I whipped right through many levels and knew all the shortcuts and special hidden items. I was really playing on a Professional level. That's because I have spent countless hours learning and playing the game in my younger days. I am an insider.
Many times in life there are many areas in which I am an insider. I know where to go and how to get things done. I can breeze right through tasks and I am very comfortable in an environment.
However, as a leader I/we must consider how people who are outsiders feel when interacting with these same environments. As a basketball coach I need to consider how HS students I am recruiting see the situation. Just because I am comfortable applying for college and gaining admission doesn't mean they are. Perhaps they are the first in their family to do so. As a church leader, am I considering how new guests view my church. Just because I am comfortable and know my way around doesn't they are or do. Good leaders consider the experience from the viewpoint of the uninitiated.
As a leader who has followers and people I assign tasks too do I/we consider their comfort level with the assignment. Just because I can accomplish something in 20 minutes doesn't mean they can. I am likely more skilled and experienced plus have better access to the needed resources. Good leaders see things from the other persons perspective and work to get them the knowledge, skills, experience and connections we take for granted.
So I wasn't really wasting an hour playing Nintendo. I was coming up with a great blog post on an excellent leadership topic.
Many times in life there are many areas in which I am an insider. I know where to go and how to get things done. I can breeze right through tasks and I am very comfortable in an environment.
However, as a leader I/we must consider how people who are outsiders feel when interacting with these same environments. As a basketball coach I need to consider how HS students I am recruiting see the situation. Just because I am comfortable applying for college and gaining admission doesn't mean they are. Perhaps they are the first in their family to do so. As a church leader, am I considering how new guests view my church. Just because I am comfortable and know my way around doesn't they are or do. Good leaders consider the experience from the viewpoint of the uninitiated.
As a leader who has followers and people I assign tasks too do I/we consider their comfort level with the assignment. Just because I can accomplish something in 20 minutes doesn't mean they can. I am likely more skilled and experienced plus have better access to the needed resources. Good leaders see things from the other persons perspective and work to get them the knowledge, skills, experience and connections we take for granted.
So I wasn't really wasting an hour playing Nintendo. I was coming up with a great blog post on an excellent leadership topic.
Friday, March 17, 2017
Small Stuff
I have heard the saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff. And, by the way, it's all small stuff." I understand that the people who use this quote have good intentions. They desire to get us all to be less stressed out and less anxious. The saying is designed to get us to focus on the big picture and realize that most of our "problems" aren't really that major. I agree that we all need to be less worried and less stressed. However, I going to encourage you to "Sweat the Small Stuff."
Its the little things in life that make a huge difference. I have had my entire day change by the way someone at a store treats me. A boss can lift my mood quickly with a kind word. My whole week can turn upside down when I get some good news. A nice note or card can quickly make many problems go away. A kind gesture can go along way.
Recently, Kristin and I (along with help from others) were able to minister to a man in need in what to us was a very small way. We were very minimally inconvenienced, but potentially we were a great blessing to someone else. Likewise, we have been helped in monumental ways by people who likely considered their good deed to be a very small thing. For us it was life changing.
Here are some ways to do "little things" to help others:
-Be on the lookout. I am a firm believer that you find what you are looking for. If you want to see snakes when you go hiking, just be on the lookout. I am definitely not on the lookout for them so I rarely see them in the woods. I keep my eyes up and my feet moving. If you are on the lookout for people in need you will find them. If you have your "helping" radar turned on I am sure you will quickly begin to spot people who you can minister to. Get your eyes off your phone and your mind off your own needs and look to see who around you can use a hand, a smile or a word of encouragement.
-Be prepared. Be ready to help. Get your finances in order so that if a need arises to help someone you are ready. Get your life organized and get some space in your schedule so that if someone needs an hour or two of your time it won't be too much of a schedule killer. Get prepared by praying and reading your Bible. Be spiritually ready to bless someone. An empty life cannot overflow and bless others. Be so full of life that it overflows onto others.
- Be friendly. The world we live in is lacking in friendly, caring people. Put on a smile and go out and spread some cheer. I know that may sound corny, but when you decide to be friendly and cheerful it makes a difference. We never know what the person we randomly meet is dealing with. They may have lost a job, have a sick kid or spouse or be dealing with an addiction or financial issues. Your simple act of being friendly could mean the world to them. Holding doors, smiling, using your manners (especially when you don't feel like it or in a situation where you could reasonably not be expected too) letting someone cut in front of you at a store or on the road could be a little thing that means a lot.
Be encouraged that your little things, displays of hospitality and kindnesses do not go unnoticed. Many times we won't realize (until we get to Heaven) what an impact we have been able to have. Don't grow weary in well doing. Be the type of person you want others to be.
Its the little things in life that make a huge difference. I have had my entire day change by the way someone at a store treats me. A boss can lift my mood quickly with a kind word. My whole week can turn upside down when I get some good news. A nice note or card can quickly make many problems go away. A kind gesture can go along way.
Recently, Kristin and I (along with help from others) were able to minister to a man in need in what to us was a very small way. We were very minimally inconvenienced, but potentially we were a great blessing to someone else. Likewise, we have been helped in monumental ways by people who likely considered their good deed to be a very small thing. For us it was life changing.
Here are some ways to do "little things" to help others:
-Be on the lookout. I am a firm believer that you find what you are looking for. If you want to see snakes when you go hiking, just be on the lookout. I am definitely not on the lookout for them so I rarely see them in the woods. I keep my eyes up and my feet moving. If you are on the lookout for people in need you will find them. If you have your "helping" radar turned on I am sure you will quickly begin to spot people who you can minister to. Get your eyes off your phone and your mind off your own needs and look to see who around you can use a hand, a smile or a word of encouragement.
-Be prepared. Be ready to help. Get your finances in order so that if a need arises to help someone you are ready. Get your life organized and get some space in your schedule so that if someone needs an hour or two of your time it won't be too much of a schedule killer. Get prepared by praying and reading your Bible. Be spiritually ready to bless someone. An empty life cannot overflow and bless others. Be so full of life that it overflows onto others.
- Be friendly. The world we live in is lacking in friendly, caring people. Put on a smile and go out and spread some cheer. I know that may sound corny, but when you decide to be friendly and cheerful it makes a difference. We never know what the person we randomly meet is dealing with. They may have lost a job, have a sick kid or spouse or be dealing with an addiction or financial issues. Your simple act of being friendly could mean the world to them. Holding doors, smiling, using your manners (especially when you don't feel like it or in a situation where you could reasonably not be expected too) letting someone cut in front of you at a store or on the road could be a little thing that means a lot.
Be encouraged that your little things, displays of hospitality and kindnesses do not go unnoticed. Many times we won't realize (until we get to Heaven) what an impact we have been able to have. Don't grow weary in well doing. Be the type of person you want others to be.
Sunday, February 19, 2017
Helping Teens Deal with Stress, Worry and Anxiety
Teens are facing increasing amounts of stress. A USA Today study found that basically 6 in 10 teens are stressed out. Unofficially (meaning I can't find a reliable published source but I have heard) teens today face as much stress, worry and anxiety as patients who were admitted to mental hospitals in the 1950's. I know first hand from coaching two sports and leading a Youth Group that teenagers (especially girls) are stressed, worried and anxious. Jesus has the answer (as He always does). I delivered a Sunday School lesson this morning to the Teens of The Open Door Church from Matthew 6:25-34. It seemed to be well received by the teens and I wanted to share some thoughts on my blog.
Things Worry Cannot Do:
1.) Add an hour to our life or an inch to our height.
2.) Provide Clothing, Food or Shelter
3.) Make us happier, healthier or safer
4.) Protect our loved ones
5.) Solve any of our problems
Things Worry Can Do:
1.) Be a motivator to take action
That's it. Worry is not productive. It serves no purpose. The only positive thing that worry can do is inspire us to take action to solve some problems. I am worried about my weight and health so I exercise and try to eat a better diet. I am worried about an upcoming test so now I am motivated to study.
How can we help the teens in our lives to overcome worry?
Use Philippians 4:4-8
1.) "Rejoice in the Lord." My version says "Rejoice in the Lord. Again, I will say Rejoice."
2.) Realize the Lord is near. I told the teens that I would have no problem walking the roughest, toughest streets in America if I was with John Cena, The Rock and Chuck Norris. I am safe as long as they are near. It is so much more comforting to know that the Lord is always near.
3.) Pray
4.) Be Thankful
5.) "Let your request be made known to God."
6.) Dwell/Meditate/Think on the Right Things. Be in control of your mind. Think and dwell on positive, good thoughts
A few practical steps to help teens overcome worry.
1.) Exercise. Walk, jog, play a sport, whatever it is, just get moving.
2.) Leave the negative stressful situation behind. Get away for an hour and circle back later to what is causing the stress and anxiety.
3.) Serve someone else. Get the focus off the teen and help them go and make someone else's day better.
4.) Give a gift. Bringing some joy to others has a way of lifting our spirits.
5.) Get them away from worried or negative people. Spend time with uplifting, positive people.
6.) Practice positive and realistic self talk.
7.) Talk to someone who loves you. That can be us. Teachers, coaches, leaders, parents and friends can help to focus a teenager on the positives in life and help them re-center their emotions
8.) Seek professional help. Nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes our mental health situations need professional help.
Teens and Young Adults are stressed, anxious and worried. Don't believe me? Come hang out with my Youth Group or Basketball team (especially around finals week). We can help them de-stress and cope with what they are facing.
Things Worry Cannot Do:
1.) Add an hour to our life or an inch to our height.
2.) Provide Clothing, Food or Shelter
3.) Make us happier, healthier or safer
4.) Protect our loved ones
5.) Solve any of our problems
Things Worry Can Do:
1.) Be a motivator to take action
That's it. Worry is not productive. It serves no purpose. The only positive thing that worry can do is inspire us to take action to solve some problems. I am worried about my weight and health so I exercise and try to eat a better diet. I am worried about an upcoming test so now I am motivated to study.
How can we help the teens in our lives to overcome worry?
Use Philippians 4:4-8
1.) "Rejoice in the Lord." My version says "Rejoice in the Lord. Again, I will say Rejoice."
2.) Realize the Lord is near. I told the teens that I would have no problem walking the roughest, toughest streets in America if I was with John Cena, The Rock and Chuck Norris. I am safe as long as they are near. It is so much more comforting to know that the Lord is always near.
3.) Pray
4.) Be Thankful
5.) "Let your request be made known to God."
6.) Dwell/Meditate/Think on the Right Things. Be in control of your mind. Think and dwell on positive, good thoughts
A few practical steps to help teens overcome worry.
1.) Exercise. Walk, jog, play a sport, whatever it is, just get moving.
2.) Leave the negative stressful situation behind. Get away for an hour and circle back later to what is causing the stress and anxiety.
3.) Serve someone else. Get the focus off the teen and help them go and make someone else's day better.
4.) Give a gift. Bringing some joy to others has a way of lifting our spirits.
5.) Get them away from worried or negative people. Spend time with uplifting, positive people.
6.) Practice positive and realistic self talk.
7.) Talk to someone who loves you. That can be us. Teachers, coaches, leaders, parents and friends can help to focus a teenager on the positives in life and help them re-center their emotions
8.) Seek professional help. Nothing to be ashamed of. Sometimes our mental health situations need professional help.
Teens and Young Adults are stressed, anxious and worried. Don't believe me? Come hang out with my Youth Group or Basketball team (especially around finals week). We can help them de-stress and cope with what they are facing.
Sunday, November 27, 2016
An Alternative View of Competition
This is part two of a post that I started on Friday. Friday's post was about a view of competition in which there is a winner and a loser. Check that out before reading this one.
Whether you are a Student, Athlete, Coach, Pastor, Teacher, Business Person or any other profession you will come across many situations where you have to compete. You will be faced with a challenge, a game, a proposal. Some type of situation where you will have to compete. It could be a test, a game, a meeting, a church service, a presentation, a sales pitch, whatever. You will be in competition. Let's look at a different paradigm (way of viewing things) that relates to competition. Here is the second way of viewing competition:
Open System/System can expand/Growth Based/Winning not determined by Outcome
-You are going through life learning, growing, training. Then you meet an opponent (Test, Game, Presentation, Meeting, Confrontation with your kids or students whatever it is that you face in your daily life). In this paradigm your success/failure is not determined by the outcome of the competition. You are judged (by yourself) on how you performed. Your success is determined by how close to our ability and potential to perform we came during the performance. If the gap between our ability to perform and our actual performance is small we have been successful. However, if the gap is large between what are capabilities are and how we actually performed we have failed. This paradigm emphasizes being in control of what we can control.
In this paradigm some of the following things happen:
-We view our opponent as something/someone who can help us grow
-We are thankful for the challenge our opponent presents
-We are excited to test ourselves v. a tough opponent
-We embrace the opportunity to experience difficult circumstances
-Our focus is on being OUR Best, not being The Best
-We can focus on the things we can control and not on external factors
-We focus on being ready to compete at our top level instead of worrying about what our opponent is doing
-Our competition aids us in achieving our goal of being our best selves.
-This paradigm emphasizes enjoyment of the journey, not just the end result
-In this view we are free to create something new, to focus on being beautiful, not just successful (winning v. losing). We are free to try new things and to grow.
-We compare ourselves only with our past selves. We never use other people, teams or organizations as a comparison.
-We can use our program/team/organization to build up people. We never have to use our people to build up ourselves.
Typical Goals within this Paradigm:
-Be our Best
-Play/Live with Character and Class
-Get Better Everyday
-Improvement over past self
Examples of those who Embrace this Paradigm:
-John Wooden - It shocks me how many coaches love to quote John Wooden but then have a coaching philosophy that is in stark contrast to what he taught. Coach Wooden emphasized reaching ones potential and success as being defined as doing the best we can with what we got.
-Artists - Typically artists are trying to be their best. Whether they are creating artwork, music or a symphony, artists desire to be their best, to create something new and better and to be beautiful.
-Myself v. Paul Melniczak in Tennis. I played tennis with my college roommate many times each spring and summer while in college. I estimate that my all-time record v. Paul was around 1 win and 75 losses. I rarely could push him to a high level of stress on the scoreboard. However, each time I played him I gained some insight and became a better tennis player. My goal was to be better, not better than him. As a result of all those losses (learning experiences) I became a much better tennis player.
-Apple Computers
For more information about how you can fully embrace this paradigm of competition I highly recommend "Start With Why" by Simon Sinek. Also check out "Lead, for God's Sake" by Todd Gongwer. Both books have had a huge influence on my views of competing and being MY Best.
Whether you are a Student, Athlete, Coach, Pastor, Teacher, Business Person or any other profession you will come across many situations where you have to compete. You will be faced with a challenge, a game, a proposal. Some type of situation where you will have to compete. It could be a test, a game, a meeting, a church service, a presentation, a sales pitch, whatever. You will be in competition. Let's look at a different paradigm (way of viewing things) that relates to competition. Here is the second way of viewing competition:
Open System/System can expand/Growth Based/Winning not determined by Outcome
-You are going through life learning, growing, training. Then you meet an opponent (Test, Game, Presentation, Meeting, Confrontation with your kids or students whatever it is that you face in your daily life). In this paradigm your success/failure is not determined by the outcome of the competition. You are judged (by yourself) on how you performed. Your success is determined by how close to our ability and potential to perform we came during the performance. If the gap between our ability to perform and our actual performance is small we have been successful. However, if the gap is large between what are capabilities are and how we actually performed we have failed. This paradigm emphasizes being in control of what we can control.
In this paradigm some of the following things happen:
-We view our opponent as something/someone who can help us grow
-We are thankful for the challenge our opponent presents
-We are excited to test ourselves v. a tough opponent
-We embrace the opportunity to experience difficult circumstances
-Our focus is on being OUR Best, not being The Best
-We can focus on the things we can control and not on external factors
-We focus on being ready to compete at our top level instead of worrying about what our opponent is doing
-Our competition aids us in achieving our goal of being our best selves.
-This paradigm emphasizes enjoyment of the journey, not just the end result
-In this view we are free to create something new, to focus on being beautiful, not just successful (winning v. losing). We are free to try new things and to grow.
-We compare ourselves only with our past selves. We never use other people, teams or organizations as a comparison.
-We can use our program/team/organization to build up people. We never have to use our people to build up ourselves.
Typical Goals within this Paradigm:
-Be our Best
-Play/Live with Character and Class
-Get Better Everyday
-Improvement over past self
Examples of those who Embrace this Paradigm:
-John Wooden - It shocks me how many coaches love to quote John Wooden but then have a coaching philosophy that is in stark contrast to what he taught. Coach Wooden emphasized reaching ones potential and success as being defined as doing the best we can with what we got.
-Artists - Typically artists are trying to be their best. Whether they are creating artwork, music or a symphony, artists desire to be their best, to create something new and better and to be beautiful.
-Myself v. Paul Melniczak in Tennis. I played tennis with my college roommate many times each spring and summer while in college. I estimate that my all-time record v. Paul was around 1 win and 75 losses. I rarely could push him to a high level of stress on the scoreboard. However, each time I played him I gained some insight and became a better tennis player. My goal was to be better, not better than him. As a result of all those losses (learning experiences) I became a much better tennis player.
-Apple Computers
For more information about how you can fully embrace this paradigm of competition I highly recommend "Start With Why" by Simon Sinek. Also check out "Lead, for God's Sake" by Todd Gongwer. Both books have had a huge influence on my views of competing and being MY Best.
Friday, November 25, 2016
One View of Competition
Whether you are a Student, Athlete, Coach, Pastor, Teacher, Business Person or any other profession you will come across many situations where you have to compete. You will be faced with a challenge, a game, a proposal. Some type of situation where you will have to compete. It could be a test, a game, a meeting, a church service, a presentation, a sales pitch, whatever. You will be in competition. Let's look at one paradigm (way of viewing things) that relates to competition. I will be posting "An alternative view of competition) later on. Here is the first way of viewing competition:
Zero Sum/Winner-Loser/Finite/Winner Take All View of Competition
-You are going through life learning, growing, training. Then you meet an opponent (Test, Game, Presentation, Meeting, Confrontation with your kids or students whatever it is that you face in your daily life). At the end of the meeting with your opponent one person emerges victorious. This could be a big sale, a win in a game, a sale, a high score on an exam. When we win we feel superior, when we lose we feel inferior. Winners feel strong, losers feel weak.
In this paradigm some of the following things happen:
-We view our opponent as someone who must be beaten
-We view competition fearfully. After all it is a chance to lose/fail.
-We do whatever it takes to win (Usually within the rules, but sometimes we fudge it a little because winning is so important)
-Our focus is put on Winning and Losing
-We don't care how we perform or play or how our opponent performs as long as we win
-A weak opponent is cherished because we don't have to expend as much energy to win
-Our preparation only focuses on beating this particular opponent
-We work and prepare hard enough to win.
-Being the best is determined by wins/losses. Someone with many wins is far superior to someone with less wins.
-This paradigm is all about the destination - The next win.
-We view opponents as barriers to our success. Something to be overcome.
-Being THE Best is our main focus.
-We typically use our resources and people to build our program. We use our people to strengthen our position. People are useful if they help us succeed, useless if they can't help us win.
Typical Goals of People who use this Paradigm:
-Win at all costs
-Win the Championship/Make the Big Sale/Be Better than everyone else
-Be on Top of your profession
-Earn visible reminders of your success - Trophies, nice car/house
-BE THE BEST
-Beat our Opponent
Prime Example of This Paradigm:
Vince Lombardi (Legendary Coach of the Green Bay Packers). One of his famous quotes is "Winning isn't the main thing, It's the Only Thing."
Numerous other coaches at all levels of sports aspire to this type of mindset. Most "successful" business people and leaders of large companies are also steeped in this paradigm. My guess is that as you read this you could think of numerous coaches, leaders and bosses that you have had in the past who operate from this mindset.
**** Later I will post an Alternative view of Competition. I am by no means pushing this mindset, just trying to shine light on the view that many people in life hold. I am also not trying to disparage this mindset.
Check back later for the "Alternative View" to see which paradigm you currently operate from and how you would like to operate in the future.
Zero Sum/Winner-Loser/Finite/Winner Take All View of Competition
-You are going through life learning, growing, training. Then you meet an opponent (Test, Game, Presentation, Meeting, Confrontation with your kids or students whatever it is that you face in your daily life). At the end of the meeting with your opponent one person emerges victorious. This could be a big sale, a win in a game, a sale, a high score on an exam. When we win we feel superior, when we lose we feel inferior. Winners feel strong, losers feel weak.
In this paradigm some of the following things happen:
-We view our opponent as someone who must be beaten
-We view competition fearfully. After all it is a chance to lose/fail.
-We do whatever it takes to win (Usually within the rules, but sometimes we fudge it a little because winning is so important)
-Our focus is put on Winning and Losing
-We don't care how we perform or play or how our opponent performs as long as we win
-A weak opponent is cherished because we don't have to expend as much energy to win
-Our preparation only focuses on beating this particular opponent
-We work and prepare hard enough to win.
-Being the best is determined by wins/losses. Someone with many wins is far superior to someone with less wins.
-This paradigm is all about the destination - The next win.
-We view opponents as barriers to our success. Something to be overcome.
-Being THE Best is our main focus.
-We typically use our resources and people to build our program. We use our people to strengthen our position. People are useful if they help us succeed, useless if they can't help us win.
Typical Goals of People who use this Paradigm:
-Win at all costs
-Win the Championship/Make the Big Sale/Be Better than everyone else
-Be on Top of your profession
-Earn visible reminders of your success - Trophies, nice car/house
-BE THE BEST
-Beat our Opponent
Prime Example of This Paradigm:
Vince Lombardi (Legendary Coach of the Green Bay Packers). One of his famous quotes is "Winning isn't the main thing, It's the Only Thing."
Numerous other coaches at all levels of sports aspire to this type of mindset. Most "successful" business people and leaders of large companies are also steeped in this paradigm. My guess is that as you read this you could think of numerous coaches, leaders and bosses that you have had in the past who operate from this mindset.
**** Later I will post an Alternative view of Competition. I am by no means pushing this mindset, just trying to shine light on the view that many people in life hold. I am also not trying to disparage this mindset.
Check back later for the "Alternative View" to see which paradigm you currently operate from and how you would like to operate in the future.
Wednesday, September 7, 2016
Action!
My family has been very blessed over the Labor Day Weekend. We got to go to Dorney Park (large amusement park with roller coasters, kids rides and a waterpark). We also went to a Frederick Keys minor league baseball game. Our 3 year old son loved it. Probably the best part for him was riding the rides, running the bases and eating a bunch of junk food. He had a blast. There were so many things he could do and he was able to try many new things. Our 9 month old son did not have as good of a time at either event. At the amusement park he was stuck in his stroller almost all day. He couldn't get out and crawl around. He was either being held or strapped into his stroller going along for the ride or being held. He had almost no power to do anything he wanted. Same thing at the baseball game. He was stuck doing whatever the person holding him decided to do. His only recourse was to cry and throw a fit when he didn't get what he wanted.
Observing my baby son was interesting. It struck me how much his weekend was like the way many people live their lives. They feel stuck, trapped or forced to do what everyone else wants them to do. People stay in bad job situations because they are trapped by the income (massive, crushing debts and an out of control lifestyle have left them with little savings or flexibility) or fear of change. Instead of breaking free and doing work that matters or helps they stay "trapped" in a bad job. We feel powerless to change a poor relationship and struggle just to maintain the status quo. Instead of taking action to fix things we struggle through destructive relationship situations because we fear changing things might make them worse.
You have the power to ACT. You can change your situation in life, whatever it might be. BUT it will take action on your part. You may have to confront a boss, teammate, co-worker or family member. You may have to leave a job and the security that entails. You will definitely have to leave your comfort zone. You will have to step out on faith that what you are doing is right and that it needs to be done. The rewards will likely be immense in the long run, but be ready for some pain in the short term. Be ready to lose friends and even some family. But be ready to go so much deeper in your true relationships.
Two by-products or things that happen when you take action. #1 You go from cyring and whining all the time to using your voice to make a change. When my 9 month old is finally able to articulate his feelings in words his life will improve. Right now he has to get everything he wants by crying and fussing. That gets his problems solved most of the time. But when he can talk and tell us exactly what he wants he will be much more effective at solving his problems for himself. Same for us. When we can verbalize our desires and take action we are much more powerful at bringing resolution in our life. #2 Many people have resigned themselves to a life of inaction. They are 20, 40, 60 and 80 year olds who through inaction have relegated their lives to the hands and whims of others. They "go with the flow" accepting the things that happen to them as fate and have ceased taking responsibility for their situation. It would be like if my completely healthy and capable son never "outgrew" his current baby stage. Instead of learning to walk, talk and slowly become independent he continued to live in his stroller crying for food and other needs. It would be okay at nine months, but by age two or so he needs to be up taking action to better his lives. It is sad to see a 30 or 40 year old who has let their "action" muscles atrophy to the point where they cannot take action or make any significant choice.
Exercise your action muscles today. Take action to repair a broken relationship, fix a problem at work or completely change your life. Two often quoted quotes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" and "anyone can eat an elephant if they simply do it one bite at a time."
Go Get 'Em.
Observing my baby son was interesting. It struck me how much his weekend was like the way many people live their lives. They feel stuck, trapped or forced to do what everyone else wants them to do. People stay in bad job situations because they are trapped by the income (massive, crushing debts and an out of control lifestyle have left them with little savings or flexibility) or fear of change. Instead of breaking free and doing work that matters or helps they stay "trapped" in a bad job. We feel powerless to change a poor relationship and struggle just to maintain the status quo. Instead of taking action to fix things we struggle through destructive relationship situations because we fear changing things might make them worse.
You have the power to ACT. You can change your situation in life, whatever it might be. BUT it will take action on your part. You may have to confront a boss, teammate, co-worker or family member. You may have to leave a job and the security that entails. You will definitely have to leave your comfort zone. You will have to step out on faith that what you are doing is right and that it needs to be done. The rewards will likely be immense in the long run, but be ready for some pain in the short term. Be ready to lose friends and even some family. But be ready to go so much deeper in your true relationships.
Two by-products or things that happen when you take action. #1 You go from cyring and whining all the time to using your voice to make a change. When my 9 month old is finally able to articulate his feelings in words his life will improve. Right now he has to get everything he wants by crying and fussing. That gets his problems solved most of the time. But when he can talk and tell us exactly what he wants he will be much more effective at solving his problems for himself. Same for us. When we can verbalize our desires and take action we are much more powerful at bringing resolution in our life. #2 Many people have resigned themselves to a life of inaction. They are 20, 40, 60 and 80 year olds who through inaction have relegated their lives to the hands and whims of others. They "go with the flow" accepting the things that happen to them as fate and have ceased taking responsibility for their situation. It would be like if my completely healthy and capable son never "outgrew" his current baby stage. Instead of learning to walk, talk and slowly become independent he continued to live in his stroller crying for food and other needs. It would be okay at nine months, but by age two or so he needs to be up taking action to better his lives. It is sad to see a 30 or 40 year old who has let their "action" muscles atrophy to the point where they cannot take action or make any significant choice.
Exercise your action muscles today. Take action to repair a broken relationship, fix a problem at work or completely change your life. Two often quoted quotes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" and "anyone can eat an elephant if they simply do it one bite at a time."
Go Get 'Em.
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