An Alternative View of Competition

This is part two of a post that I started on Friday.  Friday's post was about a view of competition in which there is a winner and a loser.  Check that out before reading this one.


Whether you are a Student, Athlete, Coach, Pastor, Teacher, Business Person or any other profession you will come across many situations where you have to compete.  You will be faced with a challenge, a game, a proposal.  Some type of situation where you will have to compete.  It could be a test, a game, a meeting, a church service, a presentation, a sales pitch, whatever.  You will be in competition.  Let's look at a different paradigm (way of viewing things) that relates to competition.  Here is the second way of viewing competition:

Open System/System can expand/Growth Based/Winning not determined by Outcome


-You are going through life learning, growing, training.  Then you meet an opponent (Test, Game, Presentation, Meeting, Confrontation with your kids or students whatever it is that you face in your daily life).  In this paradigm your success/failure is not determined by the outcome of the competition.  You are judged (by yourself) on how you performed.  Your success is determined by how close to our ability and potential to perform we came during the performance.  If the gap between our ability to perform and our actual performance is small we have been successful.  However, if the gap is large between what are capabilities are and how we actually performed we have failed.  This paradigm emphasizes being in control of what we can control.

In this paradigm some of the following things happen:

-We view our opponent as something/someone who can help us grow
-We are thankful for the challenge our opponent presents
-We are excited to test ourselves v. a tough opponent
-We embrace the opportunity to experience difficult circumstances
-Our focus is on being OUR Best, not being The Best
-We can focus on the things we can control and not on external factors
-We focus on being ready to compete at our top level instead of worrying about what our opponent is doing
-Our competition aids us in achieving our goal of being our best selves.
-This paradigm emphasizes enjoyment of the journey, not just the end result
-In this view we are free to create something new, to focus on being beautiful, not just successful (winning v. losing).  We are free to try new things and to grow.
-We compare ourselves only with our past selves.  We never use other people, teams or organizations as a comparison.
-We can use our program/team/organization to build up people.  We never have to use our people to build up ourselves.

Typical Goals within this Paradigm:

-Be our Best
-Play/Live with Character and Class
-Get Better Everyday
-Improvement over past self


Examples of those who Embrace this Paradigm:

-John Wooden - It shocks me how many coaches love to quote John Wooden but then have a coaching philosophy that is in stark contrast to what he taught.  Coach Wooden emphasized reaching ones potential and success as being defined as doing the best we can with what we got.
-Artists - Typically artists are trying to be their best.  Whether they are creating artwork, music or a symphony, artists desire to be their best, to create something new and better and to be beautiful.
-Myself v. Paul Melniczak in Tennis.  I played tennis with my college roommate many times each spring and summer while in college.  I estimate that my all-time record v. Paul was around 1 win and 75 losses.  I rarely could push him to a high level of stress on the scoreboard.  However, each time I played him I gained some insight and became a better tennis player.  My goal was to be better, not better than him.  As a result of all those losses (learning experiences) I became a much better tennis player.
-Apple Computers

For more information about how you can fully embrace this paradigm of competition I highly recommend "Start With Why" by Simon Sinek.  Also check out "Lead, for God's Sake" by Todd Gongwer.  Both books have had a huge influence on my views of competing and being MY Best.

One View of Competition

Whether you are a Student, Athlete, Coach, Pastor, Teacher, Business Person or any other profession you will come across many situations where you have to compete.  You will be faced with a challenge, a game, a proposal.  Some type of situation where you will have to compete.  It could be a test, a game, a meeting, a church service, a presentation, a sales pitch, whatever.  You will be in competition.  Let's look at one paradigm (way of viewing things) that relates to competition.  I will be posting "An alternative view of competition) later on.  Here is the first way of viewing competition:

Zero Sum/Winner-Loser/Finite/Winner Take All View of Competition

-You are going through life learning, growing, training.  Then you meet an opponent (Test, Game, Presentation, Meeting, Confrontation with your kids or students whatever it is that you face in your daily life).  At the end of the meeting with your opponent one person emerges victorious. This could be a big sale, a win in a game, a sale, a high score on an exam.  When we win we feel superior, when we lose we feel inferior.  Winners feel strong, losers feel weak.

In this paradigm some of the following things happen:

-We view our opponent as someone who must be beaten
-We view competition fearfully.  After all it is a chance to lose/fail.
-We do whatever it takes to win (Usually within the rules, but sometimes we fudge it a little because winning is so important)
-Our focus is put on Winning and Losing
-We don't care how we perform or play or how our opponent performs as long as we win
-A weak opponent is cherished because we don't have to expend as much energy to win
-Our preparation only focuses on beating this particular opponent
-We work and prepare hard enough to win.
-Being the best is determined by wins/losses.  Someone with many wins is far superior to someone with less wins.
-This paradigm is all about the destination - The next win.
-We view opponents as barriers to our success.  Something to be overcome.
-Being THE Best is our main focus.
-We typically use our resources and people to build our program.  We use our people to strengthen our position.  People are useful if they help us succeed, useless if they can't help us win.

Typical Goals of People who use this Paradigm:

-Win at all costs
-Win the Championship/Make the Big Sale/Be Better than everyone else
-Be on Top of your profession
-Earn visible reminders of your success - Trophies, nice car/house
-BE THE BEST
-Beat our Opponent


Prime Example of This Paradigm:

Vince Lombardi (Legendary Coach of the Green Bay Packers).  One of his famous quotes is "Winning isn't the main thing, It's the Only Thing."

Numerous other coaches at all levels of sports aspire to this type of mindset.  Most "successful" business people and leaders of large companies are also steeped in this paradigm.  My guess is that as you read this you could think of numerous coaches, leaders and bosses that you have had in the past who operate from this mindset.


**** Later I will post an Alternative view of Competition.  I am by no means pushing this mindset, just trying to shine light on the view that many people in life hold.  I am also not trying to disparage this mindset.

Check back later for the "Alternative View" to see which paradigm you currently operate from and how you would like to operate in the future.

Action!

My family has been very blessed over the Labor Day Weekend.  We got to go to Dorney Park (large amusement park with roller coasters, kids rides and a waterpark).  We also went to a Frederick Keys minor league baseball game.  Our 3 year old son loved it.  Probably the best part for him was riding the rides, running the bases and eating a bunch of junk food.  He had a blast.  There were so many things he could do and he was able to try many new things.  Our 9 month old son did not have as good of a time at either event.  At the amusement park he was stuck in his stroller almost all day.  He couldn't get out and crawl around.  He was either being held or strapped into his stroller going along for the ride or being held.  He had almost no power to do anything he wanted.  Same thing at the baseball game.  He was stuck doing whatever the person holding him decided to do.  His only recourse was to cry and throw a fit when he didn't get what he wanted.

Observing my baby son was interesting.  It struck me how much his weekend was like the way many people live their lives.  They feel stuck, trapped or forced to do what everyone else wants them to do.  People stay in bad job situations because they are trapped by the income (massive, crushing debts and an out of control lifestyle have left them with little savings or flexibility) or fear of change.  Instead of breaking free and doing work that matters or helps they stay "trapped" in a bad job.  We feel powerless to change a poor relationship and struggle just to maintain the status quo.  Instead of taking action to fix things we struggle through destructive relationship situations because we fear changing things might make them worse.

You have the power to ACT. You can change your situation in life, whatever it might be.  BUT it will take action on your part.  You may have to confront a boss, teammate, co-worker or family member.  You may have to leave a job and the security that entails.  You will definitely have to leave your comfort zone.  You will have to step out on faith that what you are doing is right and that it needs to be done.  The rewards will likely be immense in the long run, but be ready for some pain in the short term. Be ready to lose friends and even some family.  But be ready to go so much deeper in your true relationships.

Two by-products or things that happen when you take action.  #1 You go from cyring and whining all the time to using your voice to make a change.  When my 9 month old is finally able to articulate his feelings in words his life will improve.  Right now he has to get everything he wants by crying and fussing.  That gets his problems solved most of the time.  But when he can talk and tell us exactly what he wants he will be much more effective at solving his problems for himself.  Same for us.  When we can verbalize our desires and take action we are much more powerful at bringing resolution in our life.  #2 Many people have resigned themselves to a life of inaction.  They are 20, 40, 60 and 80 year olds who through inaction have relegated their lives to the hands and whims of others.  They "go with the flow" accepting the things that happen to them as fate and have ceased taking responsibility for their situation.  It would be like if my completely healthy and capable son never "outgrew" his current baby stage.  Instead of learning to walk, talk and slowly become independent he continued to live in his stroller crying for food and other needs.  It would be okay at nine months, but by age two or so he needs to be up taking action to better his lives.  It is sad to see a 30 or 40 year old who has let their "action" muscles atrophy to the point where they cannot take action or make any significant choice.

Exercise your action muscles today.  Take action to repair a broken relationship, fix a problem at work or completely change your life.  Two often quoted quotes "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" and "anyone can eat an elephant if they simply do it one bite at a time."

Go Get 'Em.

Do 1 Thing

Back on February 25th I blogged about an idea I had to determine and maximize your roles in life. If you haven't read that post or have forgotten it, go back and check it out.  It is called "A Simple Test."  Today I am going to encourage you to Do 1 Thing.  I want you to have a list of your roles in life readily available (either mentally or physically).  I want you to think about the most important parts of your life.  The People and Activities you wouldn't give up for $1,000,000.  Ok got 'em?  Mine are 1.) Personal Relationship with Jesus Christ 2.)  My Wife 3.)  My Boys 4.)  My extended Family 5.) Teaching and Leading Young People as a Full-Time Job 6.)  Coaching Basketball and Soccer 7.)  My relationships with Friends 8.)  Reading 9.)  Watching Sports on TV.  These are pretty much the activities that I want to be defined by and where I want to spend most of my effort and energy. Yours may be different (I am guessing people are near the top of your list) but we are probably pretty similar.  Values and Beliefs at the top, followed by family, followed by career and then some hobbies.

My encouragement today is to Do 1 Thing to benefit each of these roles this week above and beyond what you typically do.  When we merely accomplish the basics in each role we pretty much survive from one week to the next.  In our career we earn enough to pay the bills and hopefully save a little, our family gets our basic time and the relationships are preserved for another week.  Our spouses get just enough attention to keep them minimally satisfied.  I am challenging you and me to go 1 step further in each category than just the basics.  Spend time in prayer (or however you express your values and beliefs) that is above and beyond.  Serve someone, give a little more time at work, enhance your quality time with your family.  Whatever it is, find a way to do something extra in each category.  Let's say you devote an extra hour this week to each category.  10 hours may sound like a lot, but I bet if we turn off the TV and put down the smart phones we can get it done.

What are the advantages of Doing 1 Thing this week?

1.)  We move from merely surviving and advancing to a new week to thriving and seeking a better life.  There is great power that comes when we are in control.  When we exert the control over our lives that allows us to do extra things we get a great sense of accomplishment.  We feel empowered.  We feel more like we control our destinies and our situations instead of them controlling us.

2.) There is great momentum that comes by simply Doing 1 Thing.  What may start off slow can quickly build steam and become a great force.  Even the Mississippi River starts out very small, but as it grows it gains more and more water and thus power and prestige.  You can live the same way.  Start small and see your small 1 Thing multiply throughout the coming weeks.

3.)  The Power of Being Proactive.  It may sound like a huge requirement to give up 10 hours over the next week.  I believe that the time will pay incredible dividends.  When we are proactive now it saves time later.  Let me give you an example.  Let's say my wife and I spend 2 hours a week in disagreements and miscommunications (Probably low for us since I can be difficult some days).  What if we took an hour each week to go on a coffee date.  We sat down without phones or boys or anything else to distract us.  We are able to talk and have great communication.  We plan the week ahead and just get very open with each other.  My guess is that those 2 hours spent in misunderstandings the next week will shrink to virtually nothing.  I just saved myself an hour.  What if I stay at work an extra 30 minutes once a week.  I can get organized and ahead of potential problems.  Again I am saving myself time.  Being proactive allows me to operate in the realm of "What is Important in Life?" instead of in the realm of "I have to rush around to take care of this emergency."

Give it a try this week.  Write down 7-10 areas of your life that you consider most important to you.  Find an extra 30 -60 minutes this week to do 1 Thing Extra in each area.  I am betting the time pays off and you will see significant growth in that area of your life.

Small Things Over a Massive Amount of Time

Man, I wish it was a lot easier than it is.  I have goals I would like to accomplish, things I would like to get done and proficiencies I want to obtain.  I want to be really good at things, or maybe just something.  I want to reach success in some area.  But it takes a lot of work.  Success is best achieved when reached through many, many, many small steps forward and even a for steps backward.

Whenever I start a new venture I really hope that it is "my prodigy" moment and I can achieve a high level of success almost immediately.  I was this way with golf.  It looks so easy when you watch it on TV.  It looks (and is) really easy on the Nintendo Wii.  It is not easy when you try it in real life.  To illustrate how bad at golf I am I once shot a 48 on 9 holes and by 48 I mean that is how many balls I lost. 

I am constantly looking for the get- rich- quick investment where I can turn $1,000 into $250,000 in a matter of months.  I want to be able to have a great marriage quickly.  I want success in my professions of teaching, leading and coaching.  I want it now.  I want to be a great public speaker and I want to have hundreds of followers on Twitter.  I look at people who have made it and want what they have.  Oh yeah, and repeat after me, I Want it Now!

It is hard for me to comprehend how hard guys I admire have had to work.  How many times they were up at 2am for a flight or up past 2am to keep writing to make a deadline.  It is easy for me to say I want the success of a Coach K, Dave Ramsey or John Maxwell. But am I willing to work as hard as they have worked? Am I willing to undergo the amount of stress and trauma that they have?  Am I willing to work as hard as they have?  While no one will deny that Michael Jordan was an incredibly gifted athlete he was also one of the hardest workers ever.  Kobe Bryant was known for beginning his daily workouts before 5am.  They were naturally gifted for sure but they also paid the price and struggled to reach the top.  All we see is these phenomenal men at the pinnacle, we rarely see the struggle to get there.

Be encouraged.  While it can be frustrating and long journey to reach the heights in your career and dream that you want to reach, know that it can be done.  Almost none of the men and women that we admire reached it to their dreams because of natural talent alone.  The overwhelming majority of our heroes had to struggle and work to reach the top.  Even those who invented something (see Steve Jobs and Thomas Edison) there are countless hours and failures spent before the breakthrough.

Bottom Line is that it takes untold hours (more likely years) of behind the scenes work and sweat and tears to reach your dreams.  They can be accomplished if you are willing to take one step in the right direction each day.  Success is found in taking small steps towards your dreams over a massive amount of time.

I Want to Be the Best

Tina Turner sang her song "Simply the Best" and it became a famous commercial advertisements for a truck company.  Her song stated "Your simply the best, better than all the rest, better than anyone."  I assume this was a love song written to express her feelings for a husband or boyfriend.  That is not what this post will be about.  Recently, it has hit me that in many instances I am no longer striving to the best at whatever I am doing.  I am simply trying to get through the days and get the vital tasks completed before moving on and doing other vital tasks.  My guess is that I am not alone. 

We should all desire to be the best in every area of our lives.  We all have different roles and areas of responsibility.  I have found that most people have between 6-10 roles in life that they must perform.  Are you striving to be the best in each of those areas?  For me, my roles include Husband, Father, Teacher, Coach (2 Teams), Youth Leader, Blogger and several others.  What would it look like if I truly devoted time and effort into being the best in each role instead of just trying to accomplish the basic, vital tasks required of me in each one?

First, decide on what roles you have to fill on a weekly basis.  That should tell you what areas you should be trying to be the best in.  If you need help determining the roles you play or what roles are most important to you check out my blog post titled "A Simple Test."  That should help you narrow down the areas of your life where you can consciously decide to be the best.  To me I want to be the best Coach, Father, Husband, Youth Leader and Teacher that I can be.  My desire is to be the best in the world at each of these roles.  Remember the saying "If you aim for nothing you are likely to hit it."  I would rather set a big, ostentatious goal and fall a little short, than to set a small or no goal and hit it.  Simply put, I want to be the best.

Next, decide what it will take to get you to your goal.  Map out a vision for what it would look like to be the best in each area of your life.  Once you decide what it would look like to be the best decide what it will take to get there.  For me, several things have to go, or be significantly decreased, from my life.  I need to spend much less time on social media.  I need to spend much less time reading news stories on the internet.  I need to put down my IPOD and Phone and focus on reading articles and books that will help me reach my goal of being the best.  I also need to get in much better shape physically so I have the energy to pursue greatness in my life.  I need to eat better.  Hopefully you are getting an idea of what it will take for you to reach the top.  I need to make small changes in my life that will allow me to reach my potential.  What are some small changes that you can make today to step closer to being the best?  I like the saying "a journey of a thousand miles begins with a  single step."  Similarly, "You can eat an elephant by taking one bite at a time."  I can't become the best today, but I can take steps in that direction this morning.

Good Luck.  Get energized or maybe reenergized and start reaching for the best, not just satisfactory or good enough. 

Why Travel League Sports Make me Uncomfortable

I have been uncomfortable around "Travel League" sports for many years.  It is a topic that gets me frustrated almost like no other.  For many years this feeling of "uncomfortability" has been vague and abstract.  However, last week with time to think (I was at the beach) I was able to distill my thoughts and came up with some very concrete reasons that "Travel League" sports make me uncomfortable.

For the sake of ease of communication I will define any sports that take place outside of the oversight of a school district as "Travel League" sports.  That is a broad definition and I know it will suck some very worthy sports and events into its scope that may not deserve to be there.

My qualifications to write this article include:  Officiating at Travel League Soccer Matches, AAU Basketball Tournaments, attendance at many AAU Basketball tournaments for recruiting (which for at least the time being I have sworn off), and many conversations with teenagers, coaches and officials over the course of my 11 year teaching career.

In no particular order here are the reasons that travel league sports make me uncomfortable:

-Families are spending thousands of dollars in order for their kids to participate.  I would guess on an average travel league season a family can spend close to $5,000.  That includes team fees (some places charge upwards of $5,000 per participant just to play), travel (parents and families in hotels, eating out, tournament entrance fees, etc.  These kids are run all over the state or in many cases the country to play a sport.  The costs add up extremely quickly and go extremely high.  I know a dad who estimates he spent close to $30,000 over his sons 8 year soccer career on travel, participant fees, etc.  That is a ton of money.  I heard of a family whose son played AAU Basketball skipping mortgage payments so he could play for his team.  The magazine article celebrated this "investment" in his future.  DUMB, missing mortgage payments so your son can play basketball is DUMB.

-I hate the travel that kids are putting in along with families.  I know of kids from Harrisburg who travel to Pittsburgh (approximately 200 miles each way) on a school night to play for a particular travel league team.  400 mile round trip on school nights is not wise under any circumstances.  I know other families who routinely (several nights a week) who travel over 200 miles on a school night for practice.  Then on weekends these kids regularly put in another 500-700 miles on the road for tournaments.  Week after week, month after month this time on the road adds up to hundreds of hours.  I don't think that is wise.

-I am uncomfortable with the fact that families are missing out on family and church time.  I know many families who send one kid one direction (hundreds of miles) with one parent for a volleyball tournament and another chunk of the family heads another direction for soccer or softball.  Families are meant to be together, especially, on the weekend.  Instead of waking up late on a Saturday and enjoying the benefits of rest and relaxation these kids are headed for a hotel breakfast and then the gym.  Typically, these kids only play close to 3 hours max of their sport but it takes a whole weekend to accomplish this minimal playing time.  These families are separated from early Friday morning (work and school) through late Sunday night.  These families are also missing church (if that is a priority for them).

-I am uncomfortable with the specialization and overuse injuries that occur because of travel league sports.  It is conventional wisdom in the Physical Education, Physical Therapy and Wellness communities that athletes cannot and should not play their sports year-round.  Muscles and bones become overused and more likely to be injured.  The fatigue brought on by the travel and many extra games and practices (I know of a coach who bragged that his team played an astonishing 127 games in one calendar year) cause injuries.  Over-use injuries are much more likely in athletes who play year round.  I am all for the 2 and 3 sport athletes.  Quit thinking that specialization is the path to greater skill and glory.  Let's celebrate the athletes who can play multiple sports.

-I am uncomfortable with the creepy adults who populate the travel league circuits and get rich preying on the hopes and dreams of young athletes and their naive families.  Put simply, many travel leagues exploit the athletes for sake of financial gain.  They make massive sums of money on entrance fees, spectator admission fees, concessions etc.  There are also many creepy adults who look to latch onto a promising prospect in the hopes that they will one day earn some money playing professionally.  Both of these behaviors are exploitative and the number of adults preying on kids is absurdly high in travel league sports, in my opinion.  There are also hoards of parents and coaches who are looking to live out some kind of fantasy life by coaching teams.  There are many parents who try to relive their past through their kids.  The percentage of creepy adults is significantly higher in travel league sports than it is in school based athletics.

-I hate the fact that many kids quit playing the sport they used to love around 10th grade because of burnout.  You simply cannot play soccer year round from 2nd grade - High School without getting tired of the game.  Parents push players relentlessly (to fulfill their own ambitions and feed their own sick egos) to the point the kids simply quit playing.  I see it every year with approximately High School Sophomores.  They either quit or start to resent the sport they once loved.

-I am uncomfortable with the parents who think that travel league sports are a path to a college scholarship.  Many kids are awarded scholarships based upon their play in travel league events and tournaments.  However, many more kids are simply not going to earn a scholarship no matter how many tournaments they attend.  Families spend themselves broke (see the first point above) to earn a "mythical" scholarship for their average or below average athlete.  If only the money spent on sports had been invested wisely the kids would have been able to easily afford college.  Now broke parents (who are financially broke and heart broken because their kid didn't come close to a scholarship) are forced to realize that the Thousands of Dollars spent are gone and they have nothing saved for college.  The truth of travel league sports is that many, many families are funding the opportunity for a very select few to earn scholarships to college.


****I know many families and individuals (who are good, strong families and people) who participate or allow their kids to participate.  These are my opinions (most backed up by facts and studies, but nonetheless my opinions).  This is my blog so I feel that I can share my thoughts.  If you disagree with me, that is fine, but take a minute to consider the points I have made above.

When to Evaluate

Judging the value and quality of people, merchandise, experiences and many other things is a constant activity in our lives.  We continually make judgments.  "Our server was great, let's leave him a great tip."  "This NBA game is boring, let's switch to Netflix."  "Our neighbors new dog is loud and obnoxious."  Sound familiar (okay, maybe not the exact terminology or situations)?  Whether or not you realize it your life is a result of the choices you made based upon evaluations you made.  Who you work for, who you married (a big evaluation and guys I think most of us are lucky are wives weren't a bit more discerning and judgmental), where you live, how you spend your money, etc.

As a leader we are constantly forced to make evaluations.  We evaluate our followers, our group's experiences, our prospects for the future, our current goals and our progress.  Leading is all about evaluating.  We evaluate things on a life changing level.  As coaches we evaluate who to recruit (My assistant coach this year told me she went to see a recruit and after the game told her straight up that we didn't want her as part of our program because of attitude and work ethic).  That can change someones life.  Leaders have to decide who to hire, promote/demote, who to fire, who to retain.  All these things are life changing.  

Unfortunately, many times as leaders we react and make snap judgments that are costly.  I have a coach friend who has literally thrown at least 50% of his players off the team following a tough game or contentious exchange in the locker room.  Later he has to come back and spend valuable time undoing the damage he inflicted with that snap evaluation and reaction.  How can we make better evaluations as leaders?  Let me suggest 3 ways.

Be Restored - In all facets of life be restored before making a major evaluation.  Become whole again.  That means eat and get your body back in balance.  Get your blood sugar under control and your energy levels restored.  Go home and get back in your comfort zone before making decisions.  Very few problems need an immediate solution.  Before evaluating situations or people restore the balance in your life.  Hug your spouse, play with your kids or dog and spend some time in your favorite chair watching some TV or reading a book.

Be Rested - Similar to the item above but get some rest before evaluating people, ideas and opportunities.  Very few problems require an immediate solution and our initial reaction following an evaluation made in exhaustion will likely damage someone or some relationship.  Step back from the situation and get some sleep.  Even a few days or up to a week of rest can be very beneficial when making an important evaluation.  You can still address the situation when tired, but evaluate  it fully when rested.  For example, if one of your followers is openly insubordinate and disrespectful don't ignore it and address it in a week.  But, you can say "Tom, that behavior isn't going to fly.  We will need to talk tomorrow.  See me in my office."  In that case you have addressed the situation initially and also bought yourself time to really see what is going on.  You may make a better decision based on the rest or the same decision that you would have made immediately.  At least, by getting rested you have given yourself the confidence that it was the right decision and will save yourself much time in second guessing.

Be Removed - Get away from the person or situation.  I have seen way too many coaches leave games and yell at an opposing coach, player, AD or ref.  Too many leaders want to fix things in the moment.  Get yourself removed from the location of the situation or away from the person to be evaluated and then make some decisions.

These suggestions are all pretty similar.  They share the key component of allowing time to help us make wise decisions.  As leaders we will literally change someone's life on a regular basis.  We owe our followers the opportunity to have their leader make tough decisions after being restored, rested and removed.

How to Deal with Evil in the World

This is a dark and dying world.  Evil abounds, unchecked (it feels) at times.  Locally we had 3 young adults commit an armed robbery/murder to rob a man of $24.  We had the horrible mass shooting in Orlando over the weekend.

J.R.R. Tolkien says: "The world is indeed full of peril, and in it are many dark places; but there is still much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater."  Another Tolkien quote is "Some believe it is only great power that con hold evil in check, but that is not what I have found.  I found it is the small everyday deeds of ordinary folk that keep the darkness at bay.   Small acts of kindness and love."

We are losing.  Christians lament the many cultural changes that have swept over our nation.  We are losing ground daily in our battle for the culture.  To paraphrase Russell Moore in his book Engaging the Culture Without Losing the Gospel "So What?"  We were never called to win a culture war.  We were called to win souls.

What can we do to "Let our Light Shine" in this present age of darkness?  (General warning:  This post will contain many Bible Truths and references.  If that is a concern, please discontinue reading).

1.)  Overcome Evil with Good.  Check out this story coming out of the horrible murder rampage in Orlando. Chik-Fil-a story They got it right.  We need to overcome the darkness in the world with love.  Romans 12:21 says "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."  Next time you are tempted to moan and groan about the state of the world, do something to make a difference.

2.) Understand our Enemy.  We are not at war with Radical Islam, Homosexuals, Liberals or anyone else.  Ephesians 6:12 says "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."

3.)  Protect and Prepare Yourself.  En empowering moment in anyone's life comes when we embrace the fact that we cannot change others, only ourselves.  In fighting against injustice, wickedness and evil in the world protect and prepare yourself.  One verse up (Ephesians 6:11) we read " Put on the whole armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil."  Take care of your house, your life and your walk with Christ.  Getting yourself right is a big key to helping get the world right.

4.)  Stand Firm and Hold On.  Again quoting from Ephesians "Take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist In the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm."  I Thessalonians 5:21-22 tells us to "hold fast to that which is good; abstain from every form of evil."

5.) Fear Not.  Hebrews 13:6 encourages us that "The Lord is my Helper, I will not be afraid.  What will man do to me?"  We (through Christ) win.  Don't be discouraged or fearful. 

Embrace your call to be Salt and Light to a dying world.  We were never called to be Salt and Light to a living and thriving world.  Go out and make a difference today.

Why?

Have you ever stopped to wonder "Why am I doing what I am doing?"  Take for example reading this post.  Why are you spending your time reading this post and not doing something else?  Why are you not reading another persons blog?  Likely the answer is you were scrolling through Facebook and saw the link and clicked on it.  Kinda random.  That's like driving down the street and turning randomly whenever something caught your attention.  We never would get anywhere in life if that is how we drove everywhere.  When we get in our car and start driving we are intentionally trying to get somewhere, to accomplish something.

Let's broaden out the idea of asking "Why am I doing what I am doing?"  Why do you work where you work?  Go to Church where you worship?  Why do you read what you read or watch what you watch?  Why do you volunteer certain places?  Why do you spend so much time with certain people and not as much with others?

If you are like me and honestly answering those questions you may be feeling like much of your life is happening due to coincidence, convenience or the result of just going with the flow.  Can we be more intentional in how we live our lives?

The "Why am I doing this thing?" question should flow from our priorities.  If we are living intentionally and making things happen instead of allowing things to happen to us we should be able to answer the "why" question.

I will go through a few examples from areas of my life.  Try the same exercise with your weekly schedule and ask "why am I doing this?" for each activity.

Why do I work where I work (The ministries of The Open Door Church):  I work/minister here because I overwhelmingly feel a sense of calling to be here.  I believe that the Lord has placed me here for this season to minister kids and teens.  I feel I am gifted in this area and I am honored to have the privilege of spending my life pouring into others.  More practically I work here to provide income and resources for my family.

Why do I Coach Basketball at PSU Mont Alto?:  I coach basketball because I love the game and enjoy being around the wonderful people I get to interact with daily.  I love the players I coach, the coaches I work alongside and coach against and the administrators at Mont Alto and opposing schools I can work with.  I love the opportunity to travel and see new campuses and go to new places.

Why do I spend time with my Family?:  I believe that God has given me my two boys to raise as a trust.  I have been entrusted with precious commodities and it is my job to raise them up to serve the Lord and His purposes on earth.  I spend time with my wife and family because they are my favorite people in the universe and there is no one I would rather be with.  Being a DAD is the most important job I will ever have and no earthly job will ever come before this job.

Hopefully as you read my explanations you were able to think through some of the roles and activities in your life.  Try to think and analyze why you do certain things and whether or not that the "Why" is aligned with your values and beliefs.

Deal with Difficult Adults

To all Parents,

Take a moment to consider your actions and the resulting consequences. Specifically, consider what happens to your kids when every time they have a conflict with a teacher or coach you bail them out. Every time they come into contact with difficult adults (and they will) you try to change their situation. You try to get the coach fired, switch classes, switch schools, churches, clubs, etc. What happens when you are constantly allowing them to avoid being taught and coached by adults they don't like (adults who are probably really awesome people but just like everyone else in life will sometimes not agree with everyone, see your child).

Here is what happens to those kids:
-They see that every time a conflict arises there is no need to develop conflict resolution skills.
-They see that everyone who disagrees with them is wrong and that there is not even a chance that they have done something wrong.
-They learn that instead of sticking it out, just run to a new situation.
-They learn that they are the center of the universe and everyone else must conform to their desires.
-They learn that when they have a problem at work they can simply bail and find a new job.
-They don't learn that sometimes life is hard and that the "grass is not typically greener" and that life is not perfect.
-They learn that peace and satisfaction can be found if they just keep looking hard enough for the perfect situation instead of learning that they can't change other people, only themselves.
-They learn to be dissatisfied.
-They learn to switch churches whenever something doesn't please them just the way they feel they deserved to be treated.
-They learn (MOST CONCERNING to ME) that everyone should exist to please them and when their marriage hits a rough patch and they haven't been taught coping and resolving skills they leave and quit.

Parents: If you value your kids success and prosperity over their happiness, allow your kids to deal with difficult adults now, because they will be doing it the rest of their lives.

Adventure is Out There! Keep Moving Forward!

The title of this article is borrowed from two of my favorite Disney Movies; Up and Meet the Robinson's.  I loved both of these movies so much that I designed my own shirt with the saying "Adventure is Out There...Keep Moving Forward" on it the last time I was at Disney.  I proudly wore it around the park and received several positive comments for the sentiment I was sharing.  If you haven't seen either of these movies I highly recommend them and even if you aren't a fan of animated movies or Disney pics the lessons you can learn are well worth the time.

I have recently been confronted with the fact that what constitutes an adventure for some equates to an annoyance for others.  Same challenge, different lens. Some look at challenges as opportunities or ADVENTURES while others look at the same challenges as ANNOYANCES.  I believe that how we view challenges is an attitude, heart and maturity issue.  It is a life altering decision to look at problems as adventures and not annoyances.

Two stories to illustrate my point.  I am blessed to Teach and Coach in a growing and striving ministry.  We have both a large church and large Christian School located on our property.  Occasionally these ministries "bump" into each other due to a lack of space.  Recently we had one of those "bumps" when part of our school was forced to re-locate for one day to another building on campus.  Some teachers and classes were majorly affected and all others were at least in some way put out.  Nothing major and it only lasted a day.  Typically the kids were fine and loved the change of routine and scenery.

During the day two types of teachers, and attitudes, emerged.  One was the adventure and one was the annoyance attitude.  I asked several teachers how their day went and the response was "the kids loved it.  They thought it was so cool to get to try something new and have a new classroom.  It was an adventure."  Without a doubt, those kids learned a valuable lesson in flexibility and probably learned a bunch in school that day."  However, another group of teachers and attitudes also emerged.  This group made comments like "this was awful, the kids didn't learn anything, how am I supposed to teach like this."  Unfortunately, those kids probably didn't learn much that day (at least anything positive).  Same set of circumstances (which weren't ideal, but were certainly manageable), yet far different responses.  As a leader we need to see challenges as adventures and opportunities, not annoyances.

The last story occurred a few weeks later.  After teaching all day and then coaching soccer practice for 2 hours I was headed off to do my taxes.  My truck had been acting up and I was planning to get it worked on (hopefully with a fat tax refund check in the bank) in the next few days.  We loaded up the two boys and headed out.  We stopped for gas, filled up, and then it happened.  Truck died.  Not kinda, sorta, wouldn't start, but dead and no amount of jumper cables was bringing it back to life.  It was about 38 degrees and we had two hungry boys in the truck and we were 10 miles from home and 10 miles from our destination.  It was getting dark fast.  Time to see if I believed this was an adventure or an annoyance.  Bravely I told my 3 year old that we were on an adventure.  He bought it, even though I wasn't so sure myself.  For the rest of the night he kept telling everyone that he was on an adventure, and he believed it.  Through some lucky circumstances (I believe some divine intervention and heavenly blessings) the truck was started by a local mechanic and returned home.  My wife's cousin happened to be traveling through the area and her dad happened to be our tax person.  My wife and two boys were safely delivered to their home while I returned the truck to our house and retrieved our car.  Plus the truck was an easy and free fix once we figured out the problem.  The point is... A rough situation became an adventure, not an annoyance or catastrophe.  I learned a valuable lesson from my three year old:

The leader sets the tone and decides if it is an adventure or an annoyance.

A Simple Test

Last night at Youth Group we did a simple test to check our priorities and see what is important to us.  We were talking about the process of refining and how as Christians Christ refines our lives and aims to remove the impurities.  Regardless of your value system a process of evaluation and refining your priorities is extremely powerful and helpful.  It was helpful to me and really eye opening.  Give this a try.  It won't take long and may help you re-center your focus and priorities.  It will definitely help you to see what is important in your life.  After the test, I have a simple question for you to consider (For maximum effectiveness don't skip ahead and answer the question until you have completed the 3 tasks in the test.)

Task #1
-On a sheet of paper write down different parts of your life that you consider important and valuable.  Think closely about the different things you do each day/week and the relationships that are important to you.  Think about hobbies and interests.  Try to get 16-20 different things written down.  Here is my sample list:


Teacher
Coach
Follower of Jesus Christ
Husband
Basketball Coach
Sports Fan
Father
Soccer Coach
Youth Leader
Son
Brother
Facebook/Twitter
Reading
Working Out/Exercising
Traveling
Blogging


Now go through and cross off the one item that is least important to you and circle the item that is most important to you.  Continue to do this until everything is either crossed off of circled.  You may have some tough choices near the "middle of the list."  This process of elimination and selection should provide you with 7-10 of the most important things in your life.  What observations about your new list have you made?  For me I noticed that people and relationships remained while activities were eliminated.

Task #2

Look at your "half list" of most important values and items from your life and rank them in order from most to least important.


Task #3

Write down every value/item/relationship from your list that you wouldn't give up for $1,000,000.  You may have more or less items from your "half-list."  For example:  I wouldn't trade my Wife for $1,000,000.  Same thing for my faith, kids or parents. So they go on the list.  However, for $1,000,000 I would gladly give up Facebook and Twitter, so they are left off this list.  Traveling, Reading and Exercising are much closer calls for me personally.  I probably wouldn't trade those items out of my life for $1,000,000.

Take a look at those lists again and then scroll down and answer the question below:













Is how you spend your time in proportion to how valuable you consider each part of your life?

Instructions are Important

If you are a Leader, Coach or Teacher you know the importance of instructions.  You give them constantly and hopefully they are followed closely.  You are also receiving instructions daily.  I know of no leaders who never have to listen to stakeholders.  Go ahead and try to think of someone who is not accountable to anyone... Coaches listen to parents, administrators, officials, etc.  Teachers, of course follow the instructions given by administrators, parents, curriculum, etc.  Maybe Entreprenuers??? No way.  They need to listen and follow directions and instructions better than anyone.  All of our jobs depend on listening to and following instructions.

What type of instructions do you like to receive?  Vague and non-specific?  Or succinct, accurate and easy to follow?  Of course we all know the answer.  My son loves to give instructions.  He tells me what to do and how to do it.  He gives me my schedule for the day and tells me what he expects of me.  The other day I was listening to him and his instructions went something like this:  "We are going to play toys and you are going to build me a nest (pile of pillows and blankets), then lets fly to the ceiling and jump off and then, MONSTERS!  HIDE! and then make me some breakfast and milk."  It was hard to please him because I didn't know what his instructions were.  That got me thinking "Do I generally give clear and easy to follow instructions?"  Or am I like my son and all over the place

Here are a few suggestions to make sure that the instructions you give are easy to follow and gain cooperation.

1.)  Make sure your instructions are able to be followed.  When you are communicating with a follower be sure that they can complete the task.  Nothing is more frustrating than being given a task that you are not able to complete.  Are your instructions able to be accomplished.

2.)  Do they make sense to people beside yourself?  My dad told me about a teaching conference he went to years ago.  All of the teachers (very bright and knowledgeable) were asked to write up a list of instructions on how to make a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.  Simple, Right?  Not even close.  My dad told me that one by one the leader went down through the written instructions and followed literally.  The result was comical.  Most didn't include to take the lids off the jars or to open the bread and to use a knife, etc.  The leader was using his finger to spread jelly on a loaf of bread in a bag or putting peanut butter on the table.  Think through what you are asking your followers to do and make sure it makes sense to someone who is not you.  Don't assume anything!

3.)  Keep it simple.  Have you ever been given a set of instructions that include 9 points and 7 subpoints under each one.  Its paralyzing to your followers.  If a process has more than 3 or 4 steps try to find a simpler way of getting the task complete.

4.)  Give guidelines and suggestions.  Don't be set in stone.  Most things have some flexibility in how they can be completed.  Use phrases like "this is how I would do it" or " I would suggest trying this."  Empower your followers to find their own solutions to the problems they face.  Support them whenever needed but allow your instructions communicate some flexibility.

5.)  Give specific outcomes, resources and timelines.  Be exact in what you expect them to accomplish, not how they are to accomplish it.  Be specific in exactly what help they will have in accomplishing their task.  Set a timetable for completion and get out of the way as your followers are accomplishing the mission.

Hopefully a few of these suggestions will help you give better instructions to your followers and will help them increase their productivity and lower your "babysitter" factor.

Leaders are Learners

Leaders are Learners.  End paragraph.  I will save you time by not elaborating or trying to convince you.  Simply put, Leaders are Learners. If you are done learning you are done.

Now that we have established that fact, let's look at some ways you can keep learning.  HINT*** It has never been easier thanks to technology to keep learning and keep growing.

1.) General Internet Resources.  There are a million ways to learn online and most are free.  Here are two of my favorites just to give you a taste of what is available online and for free:

Leadership Article from Dave Ramsey

John Maxwell Homepage

There are many other resources available as well.  Spend just 10-15 minutes a day reading online to improve your leadership effectiveness.  The trick is that you will never exhaust the resources that are available to you online.  As you gain mastery and exposure in one area you will be  lead into many other areas.  As you gain insight from one author you will come into contact with other authors that will challenge and inspire you.  One new idea or area of wisdom will open doors to new areas of wisdom.

2.)  Specific Internet Resources.  For me right now I am zeroing in on the approaching soccer season.  I am on Youtube daily finding videos to give me new insights on soccer coaching.  I am being taught drills and strategies from coaches all over the world.  What would have taken hundreds of dollars and countless hours of travel 20 years ago, I can now accomplish in just a few minutes each day.  I can learn from the best soccer coaches.  Great leaders are always willing to share.  Great leaders realize their success was built on the shoulders of someone else and they want to pass along that help to others.  Whatever leadership position you are in, search out ways online to get better.

3.)  Twitter and Social Media.  Yes, these can be colossal time wasters, but social media can also be a great tool.  It all depends who you follow and what links you choose to click on.  Social Media is another great way to learn, when you have discipline.  Quit taking "personality quizzes, "what celebrity you look like tests", etc. and begin following the people who are changing the world.  Read what they have to say.  Never before have we been able to access the greatest minds of our generation so quickly and easily and cheaply.  Take advantage of Social Media.  Turn it into a tool in your growth arsenal.

4.)  Podcasts.  I never get on a bus trip (soccer and basketball coaching), mow the lawn or workout without having downloaded some podcasts.  For me, I quit listening to music when doing chores, and tuned into podcasts.  Again, great leaders want to share their wisdom with us.  For FREE! most of the time.  Make a 30 minute workout doubly productive by learning from a master leader while also getting some exercise.

5.)  Conferences.  There are so many opportunities to learn via conferences and Seminars.  Be specific or general when picking a conference to attend.  There are leadership conferences, coaching clinics, Classes at Church, whatever, that you can attend.  Get out there and learn from some great leaders.  You will also have the opportunity to network with other growing and developing leaders at these conferences.  Find people who are growing and get around them.

Final Point:  Be intentional about growth.  Control what, and who, you are learning from.  Getting exposed to a few dynamic and world changing people and ideas will likely increase your appetite for more similar experiences.  Set aside time in your schedule for growth.  15-30 minutes a day of growth can save you hours and hours down the road as you become more effective.

If you want to lead, you have to learn.

The Flywheel Principle

In Jim Collins' awesome book "Good to Great" he explains the flywheel principle.  It is an incredible principle and one every leader should take note of.  Collins is a well respected and accomplished author and leader.  While most of his work deals with corporate experiences in a business setting he outlines principles that every leader could learn from.  "Good to Great" is one of the best leadership books I have ever read.  I highly recommend it to any Leader, Coach or Teacher who is looking to improve their organization.

The Flywheel Principle can be explained this way:  Imagine a giant wheel (think merry go round or very old time grinding mill with large wooden spokes sticking out).  It is your job to get the flywheel spinning.  Keep in mind it is gigantic and weighs tons (literally).  It is a huge job and one that certainly will not be easy, even with great effort.  The first day you walk in to the room with the flywheel it is obvious it hasn't been used in awhile.  There are cobwebs everywhere and the wheel itself shows signs of misuse and inactivity.  It is rusty and clearly not in great working order.  It will spin, but will need to be used to get it back in shape.  Remember, your job is to get it moving and to keep it running.

You put your hand on one of the spokes and begin to push.  It is even heavier than expected.  You push and strain to no avail.  Never a quitter you keep it up for about 45 minutes and yet the thing hasn't budged.  After a quick break where you contemplate quitting you decide to give it another try.  You are more determined than ever and finally the creaky thing has budged an inch or so, but immediately settles back into its original place.  Buoyed by the experience of making it move you redouble your determination (just the fact that you know it can move is an exciting and inspiring revelation) and now within  a few minutes you not only make it move but it doesn't go back to resting.  A few more hours of work and it has made a quarter turn.  Now spectators are forming to watch this seeming miracle of effort.  Now that you have company (and a few people to impress), some increased belief and forward momentum you manage to get the next quarter turn completed in only half an hour.  The next quarter turn takes on 10 minutes and the final quarter is completed in 2 minutes as you gain encouragement and the machinery begins to loosen up.  You also have the flywheel moving which means you have forward momentum working in your favor.

The spectators are so inspired that a few join in and grab a spoke.  Now that the wheel is moving, the machine is operating, and others have joined in the next rotation only takes 2 minutes total.  What seemed impossible only hours earlier is happening right before your eyes.  You have inspired others to help and things are moving.  On the third rotation your energy is wearing down and you fear that if you take a break the wheel will grind to a halt.  But to your surprise there are more and more spectators eager to join in.  You have inspired the crowd to join in the work and while you sit out there are other people ready to join the process of spinning the wheel.  With the forward momentum, the fresh workers with fresh energy and the belief that it is possible the wheel spins fully in only a minute.  Now you are ready to rejoin the work.  Because of the effort expanded on the initial push you are much stronger physically and mentally and find the pushing a breeze on the next rotation.  It takes only 30 seconds to make the wheel spin.  Somewhere on the 5th rotation (which takes only about 20 seconds) you realize you are barely pushing.   The forward momentum created earlier in the effort is doing most of the work.

Moral of the Story:  In the beginning the work will be hard and likely lonely.  You will be working with substandard processes or worn out machinery.  You will work incredibly hard to get things started.  Keep with it.  Several things will happen:  1.)  You will be gaining vital strength  2.)  You will begin to inspire others to join in the work.  3.) Your experiences will inspire you to believe that it is possible to accomplish the task.

Whether starting a new position or looking for a new start in an old position:  Hang in there, Keep grinding.  Your work is not in vain.

Let Them Blow Off Steam

Over the weekend I dealt with a situation in which I was completely dissatisfied with a company for their customer service.  I had reserved a rental car from a certain company on Friday night for an event on Saturday.  I received a confirmation notice and everything was set.  On Saturday (after finalizing plans for the event on Saturday) I received a call stating that they wouldn't be able to fulfill the reservation.  I was very upset and frustrated.  I had spent several hours making plans and reserving the vehicle, making arrangements, etc. for the event.  I wrote the company a polite, but firm email stating my displeasure with their service.  By Sunday they had responded in a very professional nature (as I am sure they have been trained to do) hoping to make things right.  After reading their response, which contained at least several apologies, and offers of free rental cars for my next event, I found I was very much at peace with what had happened.  I declined their offer for the free cars after hearing that this was a one time glitch and not a regular occurrence.

What had changed?  Why had I been so put out on Saturday and then by Sunday I was again a satisfied customer?  #1 is that they had listened to my concerns and offered a sincere apology.  #2 They explained the situation and promised to do better in the future.  #3  I have had a positive experience when working with them in the past.  Let's break down each of these reasons for my change of heart and how I went from being upset to a satisfied customer in the span of one email:

#1  They listened to my concerns and admitted that a mistake had been made.  They Listened and Admitted that a mistake had been made.  They didn't become defensive or try to make excuses.  They didn't blame anyone or anything else.  Obviously a mistake had occurred.  It would have been pointless to try to deny that.  They didn't escalate the situation by passing the blame on to someone else.  They allowed me to state my case and "blow off some steam."  They took my pressure gauge from the danger zone down to the point where I could again think rationally and could come to an understanding.

Next time you are dealing with an irate follower, player, parent, church member, customer, etc. try this strategy.  Listen and try to understand.  Many times just the simple act of listening and allowing them to blow some steam is enough to satisfy them.  Think about the last situation you were in where it seemed like no one cared enough to listen to you.  Those feelings of frustration can just build up to the point where you do something stupid.  Allow the people you serve to have an opportunity to release some of that frustration.  Bring them into your office (or wherever) and allow them to share their concerns.  Whenever necessary admit that mistakes were made and promise to find a solution to them.  It is way better and 10 times more efficient to have them vent to you then to the rest of the world.

#2  After your followers have had their chance to blow off steam and get everything on the table it is then time to come back and explain how things look from your perspective.  Never try to explain or defend while they are in the midst of blowing off their steam.  After they have "emptied their gun" it is your time to explain the situation.  Just like you want to see things from their perspective it is important for them to see things from yours.  Once you have listened, admitted mistakes if necessary they are hopefully going to be open and receptive to listen to you and possibly even admit that they failed in a few areas as well.  That is the ideal scenario.

#3  Build positive experiences with people so that when things do go awry you have something to fall back on.  If you have worked with or lead someone for a decent amount of time you should have built up some credibility with that person.  You should have a track record of doing the right thing so that when something does go amiss you can both realize the mistake and realize it is more likely a "one time thing" than a habit.  The first two points in this post are reactive (what to do after something has gone wrong) whereas this point is proactive (building positive elements everyday into relationships).  The more time you spend being proactive the less time you will need to spend reacting to problems.

I hope a few of these points will help you in dealing with the inevitable bumps along the way that every leader encounters.

How to Win Friends and Influence People

In the movie "Kill Bill" the main a character (an assassin) is being trained by a Martial Arts Master in China.  After some time of training together she begins to get angry with his techniques and training methods.  She reaches a boiling point and tries to attack her teacher.  He deftly reaches out and lightly takes hold of her hand and wrist in such a way that she is utterly immobilized.  She is in great agony.  He asks her "Would you like to possess this power, to be in control and to never fear?"  Of course she says "Yes."  He then continues to train her.  Her goal was simple, she wanted to be in control and be able to physically dominate people.  Dale Carnegie has written a book that will help you have that same control over daily interactions with the people in your life whether in the home, business or in any leadership capacity.

Everyone wishes that they could have more friends and influence with people.  About 80 years ago Dale Carnegie set out to help people do just that.  He searched high and low for textbooks on the subject of how to have better interpersonal relationships and be more effective when dealing with people.  He couldn't find even one book on the subject so he wrote his own.  The result is How to Win Friends and Influence People.  His classic book set the bar high for all future leadership and personal effectiveness books.  In all the leadership books that I have read his work is quoted more often than anyone else.

Carnegie's book is not gimmicky (as I often thought prior to reading his book this past month).  It is based on simple, timeless principles that anyone can use regardless of your situation in life.  After reading this book I am noticing how often his techniques are used by some of the most effective people I know.  I am also realizing that many times his techniques were used by someone with me in certain situations.  Below is a summary of some of his points.  Hopefully they will wet your appetite enough to purchase the book and read it all for yourself.

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People:

1.) Don't criticize, complain or condemn

2.)  Give honest and sincere appreciation

3.)  Arouse in the other person an eager want

Six Ways to Make People Like You:

1.)  Become genuinely interested in other people

2.)  Smile

3.)  Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest sound in any language

4.)  Be a good listener.  Encourage other people to talk about themselves

5.)  Talk in terms of the other person's interests

6.)  Make the other person feel important- and do it sincerely

His main thesis (and he is quick to admit it) is "The Golden Rule" put forth by Jesus over two thousand years ago - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."  In whatever situation you are in think how you would like to be treated in that situation and do that to others.  His other main advice would be "Think about others, first."  Put yourself in their shoes and get their full perspective before you do anything else.

How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking:

1.)  Avoid Arguments

2.)  Never say "You're Wrong"

3.)  If you are wrong, admit it quickly

4.)  Begin in a friendly way

5.)  Get the other person to say "Yes, Yes" immediately

6.)  Let the other person do the majority of the talking

7.)  Let the other person feel as if the winning idea is/was his or hers

8.)  See things from the other persons perspective

9.)  Be sympathetic with the other persons ideas and desires

10.)  Appeal to the nobler motives

11.)  Dramatize your ideas

12.)  Throw down a challenge

Be a Leader:

1.)  Begin with praise and honest appreciation

2.)  Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly

3.)  Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person

4.)  Ask questions instead of giving direct orders

5.)  Let the other person save face

6.)  Praise the slightest improvement

7.)  Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to

8.)  Use encouragement and make faults seem easy to correct

9.)  Make the other person happy to do what you suggest.

It is definitely worth the time (maybe 20 minutes a day for 2-3 weeks) to read the book for yourself.  If you are like me you will quickly realize how many times you have failed in the past.  Be encouraged, think how much you can improve your effectiveness by putting some of these techniques into place in your own leadership.

Cam Newton on Leadership

Wait, What?  I have read books entitled "Lincoln on Leadership" (awesome), "Leading Like Jesus" and "Billy Graham on Leadership."  But here is an article/post with the title "Cam Newton on Leadership.  Newton is the Quarterback for the Super Bowl bound Carolina Panthers.  I have never been a fan of his, but today's awesome article by Dan Graziano of ESPN, has shed some light on Newton's leadership style and valuable leadership lessons can be gleaned.

Read the article here!

Here are some of the highlights from the article featuring quotes from Newton's teammates:

- "He's loose, so we're loose"

-"What he's got, it's contagious"

-"Coming in here (to practice) everyday doesn't feel like work"

-"He's setting the tone"

-"He plays with Joy"

-"He's having an amazing time"

-"He's loose, he's himself"

-"We respect that guy, we love that guy"

A few acknowledgements - 1.) These guys are paid extremely high salaries to play a game, so naturally it will be more fun than sitting in a cubicle all day.  2.)  They are on an incredible winning streak (basically they have won about 23 of their last 25 games going back to last season.) so they are more likely to put a rosy glow on everything.  However, we can still learn from the atmosphere around this player and team.

Let's try to put a few of these phrases into the context of your organization:

-He's loose, so we're loose - Would the people you led describe you as loose and themselves as equally loose?  Loose just means that they are relaxed and comfortable doing their jobs.  Coaches would describe this as a very good place for athletes to be.  What about in your church, school, team or business?  Or your followers loose?  Are they relaxed and comfortable doing their jobs?  Do you give them the emotional freedom to be in that state?

-Coming to work everyday doesn't feel like work.  Again, these guys get to play football for a living, but there is a parallel.  Do you hate coming into the office?  Or do you get up everyday (or at least most days) excited to get to work and accomplish your mission in life?  If you don't, those who work for you, won't either.  Instill a sense of happiness and purpose in your followers.  Get them excited about accomplishing the mission of your organization.  If you have it, they will follow.  If you don't, neither will they.

-He's having an amazing time, He sets the tone, We respect that guy, We love that guy - Wow! Wouldn't it be great if those words were used to describe us?  How different would our organization be if our followers could describe us that way.  How effective would we be?

A few suggestions to help us all get the point these words can be used about us:

1.)  Be yourself.  It has certainly worked for Cam Newton.
2.)  Be loose and relaxed.  Have fun and promote an environment that is fun, loose and effective
3.)  Get wins for your followers.

With all that said- Go Broncos!

Perception v. Reality

There is a definite gap between what we think and what is real.  This is the "Perception v. Reality Gap."  Bridging this gap will help us be more in tune with ourselves and reality.  It will help us have a more realistic picture of our world .

Here are a few examples of the gap:  "When I was a kid we used to get monster snows every year."  Since we are digging out from "Winter Storm Jonas" (when did we start naming snow storms) here on the East Coast this is a popular topic right now.  Most weather people (who have access to all kinds of records and data) claim this is one of the 5-10 biggest snow storms on record.  Yet I hear many people claiming that it used to snow like this every year when they were growing up.  Clearly there is a gap between the perception of past winters and actual, real past winters.

Another example that drives me up the wall is when people say "kids nowadays don't behave like they used to" or "parents nowadays don't raise their kids well anymore."  No data on this one, but I can remember that when I was growing up I heard the same things being said and I am still hearing it.  I bet a hundred years ago some kids were disrespectful and troublesome, just like 50 years ago and 20 years ago and today.  However, I have met some really talented and exceptional teens and young adults.  Are they perfect?  No, certainly not, but are they as a group completely out of control?  No.  Don't idealize the past.

How it affects you as a Leader, Coach and Teacher:

Close down the gap and be more even keeled and self-confident.  When I coach and my team wins I feel like a  championship coach and that Coach K could learn some stuff from me.  When my team loses I sometimes feel like I should hang up the whistle and just play video games.  If I teach a great lesson at church  and have a ton of kids show up my spirits are lifted and I feel like Billy Graham, John Wooden and Joel Osteen.  When only a handful of kids show up or my message flops and the game time is lackluster I feel lower than low.  I doubt I am the only one who rides this emotional roller coaster.  The difference between winning and losing is slim.  Maybe a couple kids got sick or had extra homework.  I am not great because my team scored a few more points or extra kids came to Youth Group.

Take pride in your preparation and execution, not in your results.  Focusing on who you are and how you are doing your work will allow you a more right frame of reference.  Close down the gap between perception and reality.  You are not great if a few things bounce your way and you are not pathetic if a few things go wrong.

****Short story in example:  A few days ago my basketball team trailed 30-12.  We made a few adjustments, settled down and quickly took a 46-43 lead.  Was I pathetic as a coach when we were losing 30-12 and then all of a sudden a genius when we had a 34-13 run.  NO, to both.  Sometimes things will go your way, sometimes they won't.  Don't allow the results to dictate your perception of reality.  Focus on what you do and leave the results come as a result.